


To Hell and Back with Love

by Cintoya



Category: Gordon Ramsay - Fandom, Hell's Kitchen (US TV) RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Blow Jobs, British, Celebrity Crush, Chef Ramsay, Chefs, Competition, Cooking, Dad - Freeform, Dominance, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Secrets, Fluff and Smut, Food, Forbidden Love, Fucking, Gordon Ramsay - Freeform, Hells Kitchen - Freeform, Kitchen Sex, Love, Mentor/Protégé, Multi, Multiple Orgasms, Oral Sex, POV First Person, POV Multiple, POV Original Female Character, Polyamory, Reality TV, Romance, Secret Crush, Secret Relationship, Sex, Slow Burn, Smut, Submission, Threesome - F/F/M, sous chef
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 04:33:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 31,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30134037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cintoya/pseuds/Cintoya
Summary: Jessica has been working for the Ramsay family for a decade in a variety of capacities. She's been a nanny, cook, maid, personal shopper, assistant and friend to Tana. But when she's asked to accompany Gordon Ramsay as his sous chef for Hell's Kitchen, her world turns upside down. If she accepts, her skills in the kitchen will be tested, but more importantly, she will have to face her true feelings for Gordon Ramsay.
Relationships: Gordon Ramsay/Original Character(s), Gordon Ramsay/Original Female Character(s), Gordon Ramsay/Reader, Gordon Ramsay/Tana Ramsay, Gordon Ramsay/You
Kudos: 6





	1. Problems, problems

"Fuck!"

I look up in surprise at the outburst.

"Gordon! Language." Tana scolds before turning back to the stove.

Gordon Ramsay grimaces. "Yeah, sorry."

I return to chopping my onion, wondering what could have caused him to swear like that. Contrary to what most people would think, Gordon is nothing like his tv personality while at home. He and Tana have a strict no swearing policy for the household, which include the children and any staff, like myself. It is more likely to hear "fiddlesticks" or "Charlie brown" in place of more traditional coarse language.

Gordon continues, "Heather just bailed as my sous chef for Hell's Kitchen."

Tana turns to him. "What happened?"

"She had a job opportunity arise unexpectedly that she couldn't pass up."

"Well you can hardly blame her for wanting to pursue her own career."

He sighs. "Yeah, I don't. It would've been nice to have had a little more heads up though. I leave in 3 days to meet with the production team. Where am I going to find another sous chef before then?"

I hand my chopping board of onions to Tana and she adds them to the pan on the stove. Grabbing a cloth, I begin to wipe down the counter as she adds a sprinkle of salt. "What about Andi?"

Gordon shakes his head. "She's on her honeymoon. I told her I wouldn't call her in for the next few tapings."

"That's right,” Tana says absentmindedly. She points to the butter next to me and I hand it over. "Um, Mary-Ann?"

"I've already checked with all of my team. No one can make that kind of time commitment on such short notice."

Tana smiles slightly as she tastes the sauce before handing me a spoon. I follow suit, pleased at the flavor. "What do you think?" She asks me.

"Perfect as always," I reassure her. "I'll get the bread in the oven," I add.

"You two are a pair," Gordon says in mild annoyance. "I'm over here in agony and you're just business as usual."

"Oh hush. Here taste this and cheer up." She hands him a spoon of the sauce we are making.

He takes a small bite and makes a face. "Too much salt."

Tana laughs and smacks him with a hand towel. "Get out! I'll call you when dinners ready."

"Yes ma'am," He mumbles in mock defeat.

Their banter draws a smile from my lips. I consider myself fortunate to work for the Ramsay family. Early on, I'd been hired to help Tana with the household so she could focus on the children and running her salon on the side.

That was ten years ago. The kids are mostly grown up now and my responsibilities have shifted several times. I open the oven and slide the bread in. "Ten minutes on the bread," I update Tana.

She nods and pulls our homemade pasta from where it had been drying. "That'll be perfect. Will you set the table for me?" She asks as she lowers the pasta into the boiling water.

"You got it."

I grab three place settings and set to work. Smiling sadly, I recall times when there were seven or eight family members at the table on a regular basis. Now that the older three children are grown up, and Gordon and Tana's careers are as crazy as ever, it is rare to even have the three of them together for dinner.

Matilda, or Tilly as she is affectionately nicknamed, comes down the stairs and lands next me to with a short hop. "Dinner almost ready?"

"Yep. Your mom's finishing it now."

"I'll help her finish." She replies in passing as she continues on into the kitchen.

Having been relieved of my dinner duties, I glance at the clock. Almost 5:30. If I hurry, I can get the last load of laundry in and be back to finish cleaning the kitchen while the family eats. Once the kitchen is clean, I can sit down to a leisurely dinner myself.

I turn the corner and run into Gordon. Out of reflex, Gordon reaches out to steady me. With a laugh he asks, "Where are you off to in such a hurry Jess?"

"Um..." Boy he smells good. I blush slightly and shake my head to clear the unbidden thought away. "I was on my way to grab laundry."

He gives me an amused smile. "I doubt there are enough dirty clothes in this house for a load. I'm surprised you and Tana don't just grab the clothes right off my back at the end of each day."

I can feel the heat rise up my neck at his teasing. "Very funny." I try to step around him but he remains planted in my way. 

"Come join us for dinner." He says, grabbing me by the waist and turning me back towards the dining room. "This house is spotless."

"Gordon I really should finish my work..."

He ushers me in to the dining room just as Tana is bringing dinner to the table. "Will you join us?" Tana asks hopefully.

Tilly is already laying a fourth place setting so I sit down with resignation. "I learned years ago it's a waste of time to fight against a Ramsay." I say to Tilly with a wink.

"Especially when it's three to one," She replies with a mischievous smile.

"It looks amazing, ladies." Gordon gushes as he ladles pasta on to our plates.

"Yes it does." Tana agrees with a warm smile directed at me. 

I blush slightly at the praise. It isn’t uncommon to receive praise in the Ramsay household, but even after years of working side by side with them, I still find it uncomfortable to hear. In my mind, I am only doing my job. And honestly, I feel as if they've done more for me over the years than I'll ever be able to repay.

Everyone served, we settle into companionable silence and began to eat. Tilly clears her throat nervously, "Hey Dad? I was wondering if I could stay out a little late tomorrow night."

Gordon looks up in surprise. "Why?"

"I...have a date."

"Do you now?" He asks with raised brows.

Tana and I exchange knowing looks. Gordon is the stereotypical dad when it comes to his children dating. Tilly remains silent, pushing food around on her plate.

"Do I know the young man?" Gordon asks.

Tilly seems to shrink just a little at the question, something I've never seen her do. She is so much like her father; fearless and strong. My curiosity piqued, I put my fork down and reach for a glass of water.

"Actually, yeah. It's Luciano."

I choke on the water I am drinking as Gordon exclaims, "Gino's boy??!"

She nods shyly as I cough, trying desperately to keep from laughing. Gordon turns to me. "Are you alright?"

I nod and cover my mouth with a napkin to hide my amusement. A quick glance at Tana tells me she is also barely keeping it together. 

"Bloody hell." Gordon leans back and dramatically rubs his face. "How late are we talking?"

"Just till 11. Only an hour past curfew."

"And what exactly are two sixteen year olds going to be doing till eleven o'clock?"

"Ew, dad! Come on." She says, blushing. "He wants to take me to Heddon Street Kitchen. But the reservation isn't until eight and the drive there and back..."

Gordon looks to Tana. "Did you know about this?"

"Of course." She says simply.

"And you're okay with it?"

"Why shouldn't I be? Luciano is a lovely young man." She almost keeps a straight face.

He buries his face in his hands. "Oh, come on."

"So can I go?" Matilda asks hopefully.

Gordon sighs. "Yeah." He speaks as if it was the most painful decision he's ever made. "But no later than eleven."

Tilly squeals. "Thanks Daddy." She rises and gives him a peck on the cheek.

"Yeah yeah." He waves her off in mock annoyance but is fooling no one.

"What a night this is turning out to be." Gordon mumbles.

As if on cue, Tana resumes their earlier discussion. "Does Scott know of anyone that can fill in?"

"He's got a few calls out. But he doesn’t sound hopeful."

"For what?" Tilly asks, once again eating happily.

"Your dad needs a sous chef for Hell's Kitchen. Heather can't make it."

Without missing a beat Tilly gestures to me. "Jess should do it."

I pale at the suggestion. "Tilly I'm not a chef," I protest.

"What are you talking about? You cook with us pretty much every day."

"That's not the same." I defend.

"Actually, that's not a bad idea,” Tana adds. "With the kids grown, I could manage without you for a few months."

I balk at her response and turn to Gordon, hoping he will nix the idea.

His clear blue eyes greet my desperate look as he quietly contemplates the situation.  
After several moments he puts down his fork and wipes his mouth. Leaning forward he asks me, "You don't think you could do it?"

I am taken aback by the question. "Well I... I don't know." I stutter. He raises his brows and waits for me to explain. "I just don't think I'm the most qualified option."

He smiles slightly. "Candidates aren't exactly lining up my darling."

I flush at his use of a pet name. Though he speaks to all the women in his life like that, it still shakes me when he directs it at me. Tana is openly watching our exchange with a curious look.

Luckily, Tilly speaks up, breaking the tension. "Come on Jess! You're basically already my mom's sous chef. And she's the best cook in the house!"

"Tilly!" Tana reprimands, "You know better than to say that...to your fathers face." She continues with a smile.

"That's it!" Gordon throws his napkin on the table. "You're grounded!" He says loudly to Tilly. "No date with Luciano."

"Aw come on dad!" She protests.

"And you," he levels his gaze at Tana, "I'll deal with you later." He says with a wink.

"I look forward to it" Tana replies gamely.

I blush deeply at the implied innuendo. Thankfully, Tilly seems to have missed it, too wrapped up in what her father has just declared.

"That's not fair." She objects. "I was only teasing!"

He folds his arms. "You're grounded until you apologize young lady."

"I'm sorry," then with a smile, "that mom's a better cook than you."

Gordon stands and pulls his cell phone from his pants pocket. "That's okay. I'm sure Gino would LOVE to share some of your baby photos with Luci."

"Dad! No!" Tilly is up from the table in a flash and reaching for his cell phone. He holds the phone at arms length as she grapples for it. "Aww, look at that one! You were so cute in the bath." He teases.

"Dad. I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Dad. Really. Please don't Dad." She begs.

He laughs heartily. "Alright, alright. Sit down." Warily, she relaxes and returns to her seat.

Thankful that the conversation has turned away from me, I rise and begin gathering dishes. Gordon catches my wrist as I reach for his empty plate. "That was delicious, Jessica. Thank you for your help."

His touch sends electricity through me and his gentle blue eyes make my stomach quiver. Somehow I manage an innocent smile and a meek "You're welcome" and he releases my wrist.

I sigh as I load the dishes into the dishwasher. My reaction to that one simple interaction with Gordon confirms what I already know. There is no way I can work in close quarters with him for four months and not make a fool out of myself.

I've been attracted to Gordon for years. Luckily he is rarely home and when he is, I make myself scarce to give the family quality time together. It is rare for me to interact much with Gordon directly.

However, Tana and I have spent a good deal of time with one another over the years. Though she is technically my boss, I consider her a dear friend. Perhaps even like an older sister.

And now she probably knows I have feelings for her husband, I think in shame. I can only hope she also knows I would never ever act on my feelings for Gordon.

A light touch at my waist startles me.

"Lord you're jumpy." Gordon acknowledges.

"I was lost in thought." I respond as I wiped the counters down.

"Hopefully you were thinking about the offer to be my sous chef." He sounds so hopeful.

I stop wiping with a grimace. How can I get out of this without offending him or flat out lying?

"What's troubling you Luv?" He asks with concern.

I look away to hide the blush that creeps in at his words. Clearing my throat I answer, "I don't think I'm the right fit."

"Why is that?" He asks with open curiosity.

I hesitate, looking for an excuse that will satisfy him. "Well for starters, I'm not a real chef. Regardless of what Tilly thinks." I add with a grin. 

Gordon waves off my excuse. "Yeah, that's not an issue. Tana had assured me you have plenty of knowledge. I'm sure you can learn the rest easily."

I stand silent, searching for a new excuse that will appease him. He takes a step towards to me and it takes all my willpower to appear relaxed at his closeness.

"I have responsibilities here. Tana needs me." I throw out as a last ditch effort.

As if to plead, Gordon takes one of my hands in his. "I need you, my darling."

This time there is no hiding my reaction. Sporting a full on blush, I gently pull my hand out of his grasp and take a step back, goosebumps rising on my skin.

I look away and clear my throat. When I work up enough courage to look back at him, I see understanding on his face.

"Ah. I see," He says in disappointment. "What a shame."

I bow my head, feeling as if I've let down the whole family. Gordon steps back as well. 

"My apologies. I didn't realize I was making you uncomfortable."

I shake my head, tears brimming in my eyes. "It's not your fault." I respond meekly. 

But Gordon has already left. I hurriedly finish my cleaning and flee to my room in the guest house. Locking the door behind me, I sink down on the bed and sob.


	2. Girl Talk

Unable to sleep, I rise early and begin packing my things. If Tana hadn't already noticed my reaction to her husband, I know full well that Gordon would've relayed to her our awkward conversation last night and the real reason I don’t want to be his sous chef. With that in mind, I want to be ready to leave as quickly and quietly as possible should Tana decide to terminate my employment.

Until then, I still have a job to do. Taking a deep breath, I steel myself for what will likely be my last day of employment for the Ramsey family.

It is six-thirty in the morning and Gordon and Tana should be out on their morning run together. I have just enough time to start some coffee and pastries before their return. I quietly enter the dimly lit kitchen and immediately know something is off. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee wafts through the kitchen and causes me to pause. Have I misjudged the time? I turn on the rest of the lights just as Tana rounds the corner in a tank top and pajama bottoms.

"Good morning Jessica." She says warmly.

I am so shocked by her casual greeting that I freeze. She reaches for the pot of coffee and two mugs. "I was hoping you'd join me this morning for a cup of coffee."

And there it is, I think glumly. Time to face the music. I nod and accepted the offered cup. Tana leads us out to the porch and curls up in an Adirondack chair. I nervously take the one next to her.

The sun is just beginning to rise and an early morning mist hangs over the yard. It is going to be a beautiful day. Unfortunately I find myself distracted from the beauty around me as I wait in apprehension for the inevitable reprimand.

The early morning light makes it difficult to see the expression on Tana's face. I take a shaky sip of coffee, as I wait for her to speak.

Finally she begins, "Gordon told me you turned down the offer to be his sous chef." It sounds like a statement rather than a question so I remain silent. Tana wraps her hands around her coffee mug and looks over at me. "I'm curious as to why you made that decision."

My body begins to heat up in contrast with the brisk morning air. I had suspected she would ask me this. I could lie, but I know Tana would see right through me. That is, if Gordon hadn't already told her the real reason anyway. I swallow hard and bow my head. 

"Tana, I turned him down because I don't think it's a good idea for us to work together." Tana remains silent as I shift uncomfortably in my chair. "You see, I've... been attracted to your husband for a long time, and... I don't trust myself to remain completely professional with him." I let out a breath and wait for her response now that the truth is finally out.

The corner of her mouth turns up slightly as she replies with a simple, "I know."

I deflate even more at her comment. "Oh, he told you." I say quietly. 

She gives a short laugh. "No Jess. I've known for a long time that you had feelings for Gordon."

My head snaps up in surprise. "You knew?"

She smiles sadly. "It's hard not to notice how women respond to my husband."

"I'm so sorry." 

"For what?" She seems genuinely surprised. 

"For feeling this way."

"You're not the first woman to look at him like that and you certainly won't be the last." She says decidedly. 

A quick flash of jealousy shoots through me at that thought but I push it down. I have no right to be jealous, after all. 

"Tana, I hope you know I would never ever do anything to jeopardize this family or your marriage." 

Tana sets her coffee cup aside and turns to face me. "Jess, I didn't bring you out here this morning to chastise you." Now, it is her turn to hesitate for a moment. "In light of everything, I actually have a favor to ask of you."

A favor? "Of course Tana, whatever you need." I say eagerly. 

"Please reconsider going to LA with Gordon."

I sit back in my chair, stunned. Had she not heard me? Did she think I was joking when I'd confessed my feelings to her?

"Tana, I don't think you understand." I say in frustration. 

"Are your feelings for Gordon the only thing holding you back from saying yes?"

I hesitate. "Well, no. I really don't know how to be a sous chef in a real kitchen either. But I would be willing to try to learn if the situation were different." I set my own cup of now cold coffee aside as well. "Tana, I would do anything to help if I thought I could. But I'm not the right person for this."

"Actually Jess, I think you're the perfect person for this."

"I don't understand." 

Tana looks away towards the beautiful sunrise before us. I can see her chewing her lip as she considers how to continue. Finally she speaks, "I would love to be able to travel with Gordon on all his trips. But as you know, that's just not feasible. The shorter trips are no problem for either of us, but these longer ones... well they're difficult. Especially for Gordon. Having you there would solve so many dilemmas. You could fill the need for a sous chef yes, but more importantly, you could provide emotional and physical support for Gordon when I can't."

I sit in stunned silence for so long that Tana reaches forward and gently touches my hand. 

"Are you okay dear?"

"Tana just to be clear, are you giving me permission to sleep with Gordon?" 

She nods. "It's clear you love him. And I know we can trust you. Especially now, after you were honest with me about how you felt and were willing to stay here, though I assume you are itching to go on this trip."

I blush. "I am," I admit softly. "But... doesn't it bother you? Another woman with Gordon?"

She gives me an understanding look. "Only a little. Gordon and I have actually discussed this scenario in the past. I'm just relieved that he is choosing you and not a stranger I don’t know."

"Choosing me?" I feel butterflies in my stomach at the thought of being noticed by Gordon. 

"This was his idea. But I knew you wouldn't even consider it unless I was okay with it. That's why I wanted to talk to you first."

"Oh. I... I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to decide right now. But promise me you'll consider going."

Gordon appears at the end of the road, returning from his morning run. I watch him all the way to the house, the weight of Tana's unusual request hanging over me.

When Gordon is out of sight I turn back to Tana. She is studying me closely.

"I'll think about it." 

She nods, apparently satisfied with my response.


	3. Sous Chef?

Gordon came trots down the stairs, freshly showered, as Tana and I make our way in from the porch.

"Good morning ladies!" He bellows cheerfully.

"Good morning, dear." Tana replies, moving in to give him a peck on the cheek. At the last second Gordon captures her by the waist and pulls her in for a heated kiss. Tana draws away breathless, and Gordon flashes her a charming smile before smacking her lightly on the butt.

"Gordon!" Tana reprimands with a laugh,   
"Down boy!"

I look away from their display of affection, feeling uneasy after the conversation Tana and I have just shared.

"I take it your run was good?" Tana asks, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Only thing that would've made it better is you." Gordon answers sweetly, opening the fridge. He removes a carton of eggs. Glancing very briefly at me then back at Tana, "You two have a nice chat?"

Tana smiles warmly at me. "Yeah. We did."

Gordon lights the stove and reaches for a frying pan. It’s at that moment I realize I’m slacking on my task of making breakfast, and I quickly move in.

"I can get that." I offer, as Gordon removes cheese and sausage from the fridge.

"Don't even think about it, my dear. You aren't kicking me out of my own kitchen."

I shrink at the edge to his voice. "That's...I didn't mean..."

Gordon meets my eyes with a determined look. "You two have been cooking all the meals as of late. I'm starting to doubt my own ability as a chef!"

"We should leave him be,” Tana suggests playfully. "He clearly needs the practice."

Gordon laughs as Tana kisses him on the cheek. "I'll be in the shower."

She jogs upstairs, leaving me standing in the kitchen, feeling uneasy. Gordon seems to sense it, for he pours a fresh cup of coffee and sets it on the counter while gesturing to me. "Come have a seat." I thankfully obey, glad for a cup of hot coffee after I'd let my first one go cold.

There is something mesmerizing about watching him cook. He makes it seem like an art form. Each movement purposeful, he glides around the kitchen with ease.

I rarely have a free moment to just sit and watch him cook, much less an invitation, and I smile happily while sipping my coffee.

My mind wanders back to my conversation with Tana. Even though I've always dreamed about what it would be like to be Gordon's lover, I’m not certain I have the courage to follow through with everything Tana is asking of me. An occasional fantasy is one thing, but reality? I feel guilty even considering it. I’ve had years of practice pretending like the smallest touch from him doesn’t make me melt. Can one conversation with Tana really change that? And Gordon certainly isn’t acting as if anything has changed. Is this really his idea?

"What?" Gordon’s voice startles me and I look at him in confusion. 

"Huh?"

He smiles slightly. "You're staring at me."

I grin into my coffee cup. "Am I making you uncomfortable? My apologies."

He chuckles. "Touché."

I frown, the unease from earlier creeping back in. "I do owe you an apology Gordon. I'm so sorry I reacted the way I did last night."

He flips the omelette with a sly smile. "It's quite alright. I'm used to it my darling."

With a roll of my eyes, I respond sarcastically, "Right. I forget that you're mobbed by hordes of women everywhere you go." 

He cocks an eyebrow. "That was laced with bitterness. Have I struck a nerve?"

I wince, realizing the truth of his observation. Rubbing my temple, I sigh. "You're right. I'm sorry. I'm...working through something."

"Yeah I can see that." He agrees with a nod. 

He slides the finished omelette onto a plate and sets it in front of me. 

"Bon Appetite." He hands me a fork before I can ask. 

"It smells amazing Gordon." I compliment.   
He refills my coffee and starts a second omelette.

I take a small bite and close my eyes, enjoying the flavors that assault my senses. "Mmmm."  
When I open my eyes, Gordon is watching me with a smile, causing me to blush. "It's delicious. Thank you."

Without a word, he continues to work on the second omelette.

"What is a sous chef in Hell's Kitchen responsible for?"

Gordon raises a brow at my question. "You reconsidering?"

"I should probably know what would be expected of me before giving my final answer," I manage between bites.

"Good." He nods and flipped the omelette with expertise. “Big picture, we're talking early mornings and late nights. You would be responsible for teaching the recipes to the contestants, helping them master basic techniques, supervising challenges, punishments, and prep; executing wake up calls, and of course helping me at the pass during dinner services."

I nod, listening carefully.

"If you're seriously considering, I'd like to sit down with you and outline the details. As soon as possible, in fact."

Tana reappears from her shower right as Gordon plates her omelette. She gives him a grateful smile and sits down next to me to eat.

"I can sit with you at your convenience, as long as Tana can spare me."

She looks in question to Gordon.

"For me to lay out the duties of a sous chef." He quickly fills in.

"Of course. Take whatever time you need, Jess. There's not much to be done around here today."

"After breakfast then." Gordon replies, flipping his omelette in the pan.

I finish my plate and walk it to the sink as Gordon is sitting down to eat. I unload the dishwasher while the couple chats over breakfast.

As I grab the dirty pan from the stove to clean, Gordon starts to rise to help me.

"Sit!" I order sternly. "You cooked. I'll clean up."

"Yes ma'am." He says with a grin.

Once breakfast is finished, Gordon leads me in to his study. He sits down behind his desk and I take the seat across from him. Between us are stacks of folders and various papers.

Opening one folder he glances at the contents before closing it and handing it to me. "Here are the bios of each contestant for the first taping. You will need to be familiar with all of them. Though you will begin with only the ladies on the red team, I will likely switch the teams around at some point."

He hands me a second folder. "This is the rough draft of our production schedule."  
I open it and began to review it as he speaks. 

"It'll give you a good idea of each day’s agenda. This is what I'll be finalizing with the production team in a few days. The only thing on that schedule that is not subject to change are the dates and times of the dinner services.  
As you can see, we don't film every day. On the off days we will provide training for the chefs. We all have Sundays off to rest, including the contestants."

There is a lot of information in front of me, and out of the corner of my eye, I can see him reaching for another stack of papers. If I am going to do this, I will need to hit the ground running.

He hands me several papers stapled together.  
"The first page of this is the core menu we will serve for the first taping. The second and third pages are additional dishes we may add along the way for special events. I would expect you to know these well enough to teach them and be able to spot mistakes at the pass."

I look up, wondering how much more there is. He meets my eyes and continues, "You, Scott and I will have daily briefings in either the morning or evening. I rely heavily on the two of you to keep me in the loop when it comes to morale, character issues, and overall potential of the contestants."

He pauses and searches my eyes. "Questions?"

I look down at the information in my lap. "Can I have a few minutes to review these more carefully?"

"Of course." After a pause, "Jessica."

I look back up in question.

He folds his arms on the desk in front of him and leans forward. "I'm aware of what you and Tana discussed this morning."

I blush, but refuse to look away. His eyes are gentle as he continues, "I need you to know that your acceptance of this position is NOT contingent on your acceptance of Tana's offer. You may refuse her request and still accompany me for this job. I will not pressure you. Ever,” He says seriously. "All I expect from you are the duties outlined in the materials I've just given you. Do you understand?"

My heart softens at his attempt to put me at ease. Even with his wife's blessing, he won’t make a move without my consent. I can trust him, and it just makes me love him more.

With renewed confidence I meet his eyes and respond, "If I'm in, I'm ALL in Gordon."

I see a fire in his eyes briefly and a warm sensation fills me. Then it’s gone. He takes on a resolute expression. "In that case, please let me know your decision as soon as possible."

"Yes chef." I reply absentmindedly as he rises to leave.

He pauses with a smile at my response, but I’m too distracted with the materials in front of me to notice.


	4. Cooking Lesson

I emerge from the study about a half hour later. I have my answer and begin looking around for Gordon.

Tilly trudges tiredly down the stairs in her pjs, her hair a tousled mess. I glance at the clock and grin at her. "Well, good morning sleepy head."

She rubs her eyes and yawns. "Morning Jess."

"Have you seen your dad?" 

She shakes her head and plops down at the kitchen counter where we'd all eaten breakfast earlier.

I set my stack of materials on the counter and move to the stove. "What can I get you for breakfast?"

Tilly shakes her head again. "I'm fine." With a yawn, "I'll grab something later." Noticing the folders, she looks back at me in surprise. "Are you going with my dad to Hell's Kitchen?"

I nod. "I haven't told him yet, though. That's why I was looking for him."

Tilly scans the recipes. "I'm so jealous. I wish I could go."

“Yeah well, me too. You'd be a much better sous chef than me."

She looks up from the pages in her hand. "You're going to be great."

I give a short laugh. "Yeah. I don't know. I hope so."

"Jess." She looks at me seriously. "My Dad never would've asked you if he didn't think you were right for the job."

"He asked me because he literally has no other options."

"No,” She insists. "I know him. My Dad would rather go without than put the wrong person in place."

"I wish I had your confidence." I lament.

"What exactly are you most worried about?"

"The teaching,” I answer without hesitation.  
"Between you kids and your parents, I've always been the student. I've never needed to teach anyone anything to do with cooking."

Tilly frowns slightly. "Yeah, but you know how to teach. You taught me how to ride a bike."

I sigh. "Yes, but this is different. I'd be teaching already talented chefs, most of whom have spent thousands of hours in professional kitchens. What do I have to offer them?" I put my head in my hands. "I'm just so nervous. What if I let your dad down?"

Tilly is quiet for a moment. "I'll help you."

"Tilly, I appreciate that but..."

She ignores my protest, already up and bouncing around with excitement. "Yeah, come on. Teach me to cook something!"

I laugh at that. Of all the kids Tilly is by far the most talented chef, already rivaling her dad at only 16 years of age.

"You already know how to cook."

"So do the chefs in Hell's Kitchen." She opens the fridge and begins rifling through it. "We can role play." Pulling out some scallops, "We will start with something easy." Grabbing a pan and some oil, Tilly lays out all the ingredients to cook a scallop.

Looking at me she says, "I've watched all the seasons of Hell's Kitchen. Every single chef always thinks they know how to cook a scallop, but most don't. So... you're the sous chef. I'm a young hot shot chef that thinks she knows it all."

"I thought we were pretending." I tease.

She playfully pushes me. "I'm trying to help you!"

I giggle. "Alright alright. I'm sorry."

"As the sous chef, you'll demonstrate to me how to properly cook them. Then, I'll try to copy."

Nodding, I light the stove. "Okay, before you start, the pan needs to be nice and hot. If the pan isn't hot enough, the scallops won't color properly and you risk over cooking them trying to get them golden brown."

Tilly watches me silently. "Once the pan is hot, add your oil. Not too much or you'll deep fry them." I drizzle some olive oil into the pan. Removing the scallops, I season one side with salt and pepper, then lay two scallops in the pan, seasoned side down.

"Start at twelve o clock in the pan and work clockwise. I know we only have two scallops here but it's a good rule to follow." I reach around Tilly for the pepper mill. "Now we season the other side. They only need about 45 seconds on each side."

Sliding a small spoon under, I turn them, pleased that they are indeed colored nicely. "Now we squeeze some lemon juice over them." I explain, as I roll a lemon on the counter. 

Another minute passes and I slide the scallops from the pan onto a plate with a paper towel.  
"And there you go." I hand Tilly a fork and we both taste them. "Your turn."

Tilly moves me aside and puts the pan back on the heat. She begins to season her scallops.  
Unnoticed by both of us, Gordon has come downstairs, drawn by the smell of scallops cooking. When he sees the lesson in progress, he pauses just out of sight around the corner.

"Don't forget your oil." I remind Tilly.

"There's still some from the ones you cooked."

"Yes but you need more or they'll stick to the pan."

Tilly rolls her eyes and sighs as she adds more oil to the pan.

With an amused grin, Gordon folds his arms and leans against the wall, listening.

When it is time for her to flip them, Tilly moves the pan off the heat.

"No, keep the pan on the heat!" I correct.   
She half heartedly brings it back towards the heat and continues flipping. 

A frustrated sigh escapes my lips. 

"What?" She challenges. "I've got it under control."

"No you don't. What happens when you move scallops on and off the heat?" 

She shrugs. 

"They stick to the pan,” I answer for her.   
As if to prove my point, the very next scallop she touches breaks as she tries to check it. 

"They’re ruined. Start again."

Tilly protests. "We can't waste them!" 

"We wouldn't have wasted them if you'd listened to me." I counter. "Look, you may have cooked scallops before. But in this kitchen you listen to me. Okay?"

"Yes Chef." Tilly replies with a knowing smile.

"Good. Now start again."

She puts two new scallops in the pan. 

Once both sides are done she carefully slides them out of the pan onto a plate. I touch them both with the back of my finger.

"This ones a little overcooked. Touch it."

Tilly follows suite and nods as I hand her a fork. "Here, let's taste the good one."

At that moment Gordon rounds the corner. "Scallops for breakfast?" He says with raised brows. "I'd like a taste."

I hand him a clean fork and he chooses the overcooked scallop to taste before we can protest. "Mmm. Seasoned perfectly. But, slightly overdone." He looks between us, then settles on Tilly. "You should've listened to your sous chef." He says with a wink.

My palms start sweating as I realize he's been listening in.

Tilly laughs. "I was trying to be difficult, like some of the chefs in Hell's Kitchen." She explains.

"Yeah. Good,” Gordon replies. "Though honestly, you'll get a lot more pushback than that at times." He adds to me. "Regardless of the direction you give, in the end it's still up to them whether they will follow it. You can't control that." He looks between us. "What we can control is what leaves the kitchen. And I won't allow anything but the best to leave the kitchen. Yes?"

"Yes chef!" We both answer in unison with a smile. Tilly even gives him a little salute as she says it.

"Yeah I see you're teasing me now." He sounds exasperated.

"Aw Dad. Don't be so serious."

"Don't be serious? I come downstairs, my kitchens a mess, perfectly good scallops wasted, and when I try to offer some advice I get mocked." At this he gives a halfhearted goofy salute back to Tilly. "Yes chef..." he mocks in a childish voice.

I feel terrible and am fixing to apologize when Gordon grabs the kitchen faucet sprayer and lets loose on us. Tilly and I shriek and scurry away as Gordon laughs and sprays water in our direction.

Tana hurried down the stairs. "What on earth is going on down here??"

Gordon stops spraying and points at us. "The girls made a mess of the kitchen."

Tana takes in the whole scene with a sigh. Addressing me she says wearily. "I completely understand if you don't want to spend four months with this man."

I shake the water off me and laugh. "Well, you keep letting him come home after each trip so it can't be all that bad."

Tana crosses her arms and replies. "That's just for the children's sake." She levels a semi-serious look at Gordon. "Once Tilly is grown and gone, you'll be out of luck mister."

Tilly and I have begun wiping up water. Gordon puts the spray hose back and approaches Tana. "So, what I'm hearing is that we should should begin working on another little one." He slides his arms around her waist.

She unfolds her arms and gently lays a hand against Gordon's cheek. "Oh, my darling, why would I want another baby when I have you? The biggest kid of all."

He chuckles and captured her hand in his. Nuzzling her neck he says, "Mmm, because trying can be so much fun."

"Ugh, Dad!" Tilly exclaims. 

Tana playfully pushes Gordon away. "Go clean up your mess!"

I throw a towel at him as he turns from Tana.  
"Mum, are you going out?" Tilly asks as she puts the remaining scallops away.

"Yes, why?"

"I'd like to look for a dress for my date tonight."

"I was planning on leaving now. Can you hurry and get ready?"

Tilly runs past me on her way upstairs. "Just let me change and put my hair up!"

Gordon shakes his head. "Another dress?" He asks Tana.

"She's 16. She wants to look good for her date."

Gordon gathers up the wet towels and dumps them in a nearby bin for laundry. "Don't let her go too overboard today."

Tana raises a brow. "What is it you’re worked up about?"

He pauses. "You're gonna keep an eye on this whole Luciano thing while I'm gone right?"

She laughs. "Yes Gordon. I will make sure Tilly doesn't elope with Luciano before you get back."

"Not funny."

Her look softens. "Tilly is a smart girl."

"Gino's never going to let me live this down.”

With a roll of her eyes, Tana grabs her purse. "You and Gino have been best friends for 15 years! When are you going to stop trying to one up each other?"

"He started it!" Gordon replies defiantly.

Tilly emerges at the bottom of the stairs, ready for an outing with her mom. Tana ushers her out the door and turns back to a Gordon with a sly smile.

"Try to behave yourself while we're gone."


	5. Tell me what you want

The door closes behind them, leaving Gordon shaking his head as I finish the kitchen. I put the clean pan back in it's place and gather towels for the laundry.

As I pass Gordon on the way upstairs I say, "I wouldn't worry about Tilly. Tana's right, she's got a good head on her shoulders."

Gordon follows me up the stairs. "Yeah, I know. You don't think there's a part of her that's doing this just to bug me though?"

I smile to myself. That is a real possibility. Tilly, like her father, did occasionally like pushing people just to get a reaction. But I doubt Tilly would string along some poor boy only to needle her dad. 

"You're overthinking it." I answer distractedly as I gather Tilly's dirty clothes from her room, before moving on to the master bedroom. Tana is very meticulous herself, so the bed is already made and the room is very tidy. I grab the few dirty clothes out of the hamper as I make a mental checklist of what I want to finish today.

Tomorrow is Sunday, which means no work for the family or staff. And now that I am leaving on Monday, I want to do everything in my power to set up Tana so she'll have little to do next week.

Gordon is watching me from the hallway with a look I can’t place. I feel mildly uncomfortable under his scrutiny but am determined not to show it.

He’s blocking the door and I shift the laundry basket in an attempt to squeeze by.  
"Excuse me."

He doesn’t budge. "I'm assuming you've made a decision?"

I wince, realizing I've forgotten to tell him that I decided to come. "Yes, I'm sorry Gordon. I was on my way to discuss it with you when Tilly and I started talking." He remains planted in my way. I raise a brow in annoyance, wishing he would let me work while we talk. "I'd be honored to work as one of your sous chefs."

"Good." He nods, while still blocking my path.

"And the sooner I can get things done around here, the sooner I can get back to learning what I need to know for Hell's Kitchen." I add.

With a mischievous smile, he backs out of the way.

I pass him with a shake of my head. "You're enjoying this far too much."

He follows me downstairs towards the laundry room. "Oh? What do you mean?"

I turn to him with the laundry basket on my hip. "Don't pretend to be ignorant! You're making me feel uncomfortable on purpose." I continue into the laundry room in a huff.

He leans against the door jam and crosses his arms with a gentle smile. "It's not my intention to torment you, my darling."

Somehow, I manage not to blush at the pet name as I set the laundry basket down and begin sorting the clothes.

"But, I am intrigued. After last night, I assumed I'd overstepped my bounds. Imagine my surprise when Tana tells me you've carried a torch for me all this time." I continue sorting clothes as if I haven’t heard him. He cocks his head to one side and taps his chin with his index finger. "Now, seeing your reaction to me makes me wonder... have you been picturing naughty things about me?"

I can feel heat bloom from my neck to my head at his comment, but can’t give him the satisfaction of knowing how shaken I am from hearing him hit so close to the truth. I nonchalantly reach for the laundry soap. 

Unfortunately he notices my reaction anyway. "Ah, so you HAVE fantasized about me." He says with a grin. 

I don’t know what to say, so I just keep working. 

He steps towards me. "It's adorable how hard you try to hide it, my luv. But, it's unnecessary." He takes the soap bottle from my hands and turns me to face him. "Tell me what it is you want, darling." 

I look up at him wide-eyed. "I..." I start, but the rest of the words escape me. For the first time since Tana and I had talked that morning, I pause to consider. What DO I want? Tana has asked me to have a physical relationship with Gordon. And I know I want that. But, as I look up into Gordon's blue eyes I know that isn’t really the whole of it. My heart twists and tears form in my eyes as I realize the truth is too much to confess. "I...I can't" I finish in defeat. 

Gordon looks perplexed at my answer. "Why not?" 

The tears that had previously formed are now streaming down my face as I attempt to turn away. Gordon gathers me into his arms instead, holding me tightly to him. 

"My goodness me,” He says quietly. "It's okay. It'll be okay." I feel him kiss the top of my head as I sob into his chest, the reality of the situation weighing me down. 

I know what I want. I want him to look at me the same way he looks at Tana. I want him to confide in me, love me, MAKE love to me. I want a relationship, all of it. But he is married. Committed to my dearest friend. Regardless of what Tana has authorized between Gordon and I, ultimately I know I am no more than a means to an end. A solution to their very real problem. 

And I’m not sure that will be enough. 

"What on earth did I do to upset you so?" I hear Gordon muse. He gently pulls me off of him and holds me at arms length. His thumbs brush tears from my checks as he studies me. "Whatever it is, you can tell me, Darling."

Oh, how I want to. But, how selfish would that sound? How can I tell him that I want more than their already generous offer? So, I remain silent, eyes downcast as I try to stop crying. 

After several moments of silence he reaches out and captures my chin in his fingers, raising my eyes to his once again. 

"Is it...have you changed your mind?" He asks with concern.

"Changed my mind?" I echo with a sniff. 

"About being in a relationship with me." He finishes gently. "As I said before, there is no pressure. You can come on the trip in an exclusively professional capacity if you choose."

Tears threaten to spill again at his use of the word "relationship" to describe our agreement. But I hold them back and vigorously shake my head. 

"No! No I haven't changed my mind." I frantically swipe at my face, trying to put myself back together. "I'm sorry, I'm a mess today."

Gordon gives me an understanding smile. Then he bends down and captures my lips in his, completely surprising me in every way. 

It doesn’t seem real. This kiss I have so long dreamt about. And before I can fully process what is happening, he breaks the kiss and cups my face in his palms. I take in a shaky breath as he speaks. 

"Then, I may not know what to say to help you feel better..." His deep voice sends a shiver up my spine. "But I'm positive I know what to do."


	6. *Afternoon Delight*

He takes my hand. "Come with me a moment."

I allow myself to be led out of the laundry room. What on earth is he up to?

"It's obvious you've been neglected for far too long." He says, stopping near the couch.  
Turning to me, "I'd like to do something for you, if you'll allow me to."

I swallow nervously, already feeling light headed at wondering what he might have in mind. "Wha...What are you thinking?"

He gives me a cheeky grin and replies, "I'd like you to cum for me."

My breath catches in my throat and I unconsciously step back, causing me to bump into the couch behind me. I loose my balance, falling into a sitting position.

With a laugh he kneels down and captures my hand in his, before bestowing a kiss across my knuckles. A fire burns in his eyes as he stares deeply into mine. "Will you cum for me, my darling?"

"I...um..." I swallow hard, trying to regain control of myself. Gordon's left hand is resting on my thigh, his thumb caressing me. Before I can form an answer he leans forward and kisses my neck. "Ohhh." I sigh.

With a smile, he brushes my hair aside before gently biting my neck. Any resignation I have flies out the window. The only thing that matters is this moment with him.

His lips find mine again and I fervently return the kiss. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I marvel at the solid feel of his body beneath my touch. His hands move to my waist and I feel my pants button come undone.

Gordon breaks the kiss and gently tugs at the waist of my jeans. "May I?" He asks.

I don't trust my voice so I simply nod and raise my hips to aid him. He slowly removes my jeans and tosses them aside.

My panties betray my highly aroused state. He eyes the wetness at my center and looks up at me with a smile and a raised brow.

"All this for me?" He asks as he brushes his fingers against the wetness at my clothed core.  
A moan escapes my lips at his light touch.

Then he withdraws from me.

"Please tell me what you want, Darling," he repeats his earlier request. "I will happily oblige." He adds.

"I...want you." I squirm impatiently, wishing he would touch me again.

His mouth tips up at my vague answer.

"You have me. What would you like me to do?" He asks, unwilling to let me off the hook.

I WANT you to fuck me into oblivion, I think guiltily. But I can't bring myself to say that out loud. Instead, I take a deep breath and answer, "I want you to touch me, Gordon."

There is a fierceness to his look as he asks, "Where my luv?"

My stomach flutters as I realize he is going to make me vocalize exactly what I need. His eyes are clouded with lust but he makes no move towards me.

"Take off my underwear." It sounds like an order and I blush before adding, "Please."

"Yes ma'am," He replies huskily as he tugs at my panties. Once they are removed, he rests his chin on my knee and looks up at me in expectation. God, he's adorable like that!

"Please, touch me Gordon."

He gently runs his hand down my calf and I know he is teasing me. But I am too far gone to be amused at his antics. Vowing to myself to be more specific, I try again.

"I want to feel you inside me. Please put your fingers inside me."

He pushes my legs further apart and slides a finger into me while gently massaging my clit with his thumb.

"Oh shit, Gordon." I moan.

"You are incredibly wet." He comments quietly. "How long has it been for you?"

I can't think clearly enough to give him an accurate timetable. Luckily he doesn't wait for an answer, instead sliding another finger into me and pushing hard.

I grip his forearm and close my eyes as another moan escapes my lips. He begins moving his fingers rapidly inside me, pushing deep each time, before adding a third finger.

"Oh Gordon." I pant.

"Open your eyes, my dear."

I manage to obey as I grow close to an orgasm.

"Look at me, Jess."

When I do, I see pure lust and determination in his eyes. "You're going to cum for me, yes?" It seems more a statement than a question, but I nod in response. "Tell me, luv."

I gasp as I teeter on the brink. "I'm going to cum Gordon. Oh God..."

"Say it again!" He orders.

"I'm going to cum for you! Oh Gordon!" My muscles spasms as my orgasm hits me hard and fast. "Oh fuck!" I scream, completely forgetting the household rule. "Jeezus."

"That's my girl." He says with a smile. As my orgasm subsides, Gordon gently removes his fingers from me. Looking into my hazy eyes, he sucks my wetness from his fingers.

"Magnifique ma Belle." He adds, before leaning forward to bestow a final kiss. I can taste myself on his lips and it is a strange, though not unwelcome experience.

He rests his forehead against mine. "I hope that will tide you over until I can more adequately meet your needs."

"But what about you? I'm supposed to be meeting your needs, Gordon."

He kisses the tip of my nose and pushes himself up. "And you have. You are meeting my need for a sous chef. I believe that's quite enough for now." He pauses, "Now my darling," he hands me my clothes. "I won't deter you any longer."

I begin to get dressed. "Gordon?"

He looks back at me in question. I quickly pull my pants back on before continuing, "Thank you." I meet his gaze, wanting desperately for him to understand how wonderful this has been. "That was...I mean... thank you!"

He gives me a dashing smile in return. "My pleasure." Then with a wink, "It was long overdo."


	7. Making Plans

Once the adrenaline wears off and my head clears, my self doubt returns in full force. This is fucking crazy. Right? I mean, a REAL relationship with Gordon? Is that even possible without jeopardizing what he already has with Tana? The last thing I want is to begin seeing her as my rival.

That's assuming Gordon really wants more than a bedmate. Perhaps he misspoke when he said "relationship". That must be it, I decide. It's foolish to think he is truly attracted to lil ole me.

The rest of the afternoon I absentmindedly check things off my to-do list as these thoughts bounced around in my head. Carrying the last bag of groceries in to the kitchen, I settle on how to get through the next few days.

Pretend like nothing happened.

I am startled out of my pity party when Tilly runs past me up the stairs to prepare for her date. Tana trails behind and joins me in the kitchen. Looking around at the many bags of groceries filling the counters, she turns to me in question. "We expecting company?"

I pause with a head of lettuce in my hand. "Uh, no..." I hesitate, realizing my blunder. I'd been so preoccupied with thoughts of Gordon I'd completely over bought. I blush and bowed my head in embarrassment. "I was trying to save you a trip to the store this week."

Tana laughs good-naturedly. "Well you've certainly accomplished that! There's enough here to last Tilly and I through a nuclear winter."

I mentally kick myself. Sure, I'd meant to set her up for success, but this was way overboard. "I'm sorry Tana. I'll take some of it back." I start putting items back in the bags.

She cocks her head at me. "No need to apologize. I'm not angry with you."

I look around at the surplus of food. "Maybe the kids could join us for dinner? I'll help cook."

Tana's eyes brighten at the suggestion. "That's a wonderful idea. I know Holly was wanting to see her dad before he's off on this next trip." She begins unloading groceries with me. "Perhaps we can throw together a family day tomorrow."

I smile at the thought of the whole family together under one roof again.

Gordon enters and greets his wife with a peck on the cheek. "How was it my darling?" 

"We had a lovely afternoon."

"Good. How much lighter is my pocketbook?"

Tana laughs. "Just light enough for you to carry both it and your massive ego around."

"Bloody hell. My own wife." He mumbles in mock frustration.

Tana turns to him with a wistful look. "Wait until you see her, Gordon." She shakes her head. "When did my baby get so grown up?" She muses sadly.

"Yeah it's normal to become forgetful at your age." Gordon replies mischievously.

I suppress a snicker at his brazen comment. Though it is only banter, I know Tana won't let him get away with it. As predicted, Tana throws a banana at his head but he catches it and nonchalantly begins to peel it. Tana rolls her eyes and gestures to me.

"Jessica and I were just discussing how nice it would be to see the kids tomorrow. Have you spoken with Meg or Jack recently?"

Gordon takes a bite of the banana before answering, "Yeah I spoke with Jack this morning."

"Do you think he'd be available for a family dinner tomorrow?" Tana asks hopefully.

He shrugs. "I'll have to ask." He tosses the peel in the garbage. "It would be nice to spend some quality time together before we head out." 

The groceries are away and I turn to quietly leave them to their conversation.

"Jessica!"

I freeze at Gordon's call, looking back in question.

He finishes the banana and wipes his hands on a towel. "Not so fast. You...me...cooking dinner tonight. Yes?"

I nod, my mouth suddenly dry. "Sure."

He continues, all business. "I want to see what you can do. Before we get started though, I'd like to test your palate." He glances at his watch. "Give me twenty minutes, then meet me back here."

My stomach is turning with nervousness but I nod, glad to have a few minutes to calm down.

I've NEVER cooked with Gordon. EVER. When he was home and cooking, it was usually with the kids and Tana. During those times, I'd always found work elsewhere to be done so that the family could have quality time together.

Though I know Gordon is nothing like his tv persona in his own home kitchen, I still can't help feeling as if I am one of the contestants on his shows. Can I successfully cook along side him? And what does he mean by 'test my palate'?


	8. Blind Taste Test

I arrive back in the kitchen as Gordon is covering something with a kitchen towel. He looks up as I enter, and I slow to a stop at the look on his face.

"What?" He asks in amusement.

"You're up to something." I answer with certainty. "I can tell from a mile away."

With a playful grin he beckons me closer. "Come over here." He folds a bandana as I apprehensively obey. "Turn around and close your eyes."

"Should I be worried?"

He doesn't answer, but gently places the bandana over my eyes and ties it snuggly at the back of my head.

"This is one of my favorite challenges in Hell's Kitchen. The blind taste test." I can hear the excitement in his voice. "Can you see anything?"

I shake my head no.

"Good. Now in Hell's Kitchen I have them wear headphones that play loud music as well which can make it more difficult to focus. But for our purposes, this should do."

He turns me around so that I am facing him. "Now I'm going to feed you a bite of something. I want you to tell me what it is. Be as specific as possible. Open up."

I hesitantly open my mouth, not at all confident I have the skills to do this.

Something smooth hits my tongue. It's soft and has a creamy taste. I immediately know it is some kind of cheese.

"What is it?" He asks with a smile in his voice.

"Cheddar cheese?"

"Excellent. Open."

This time it is some kind of fish. It isn't overly fishy but I can't place exactly what it is. Cod? Halibut? Or something else entirely? I shake my head, trying to decide.

"What is it?" He asks again.

I debate with myself. Shaking my head again I say, "Some kind of white fish..."

"Be specific."

"I'm not sure. Halibut?"

He chuckles. "It's turbot."

"What the heck is turbot?" I ask in frustration as Gordon laughs.

"Alright, open up. I have a few more."

Something small and leafy hits my taste buds and I immediately know what it is.

"Cilantro." I answer before he asks.

"You sure you can't see anything?" He asks with humor. "Ready for the next one?" 

I open my mouth and a square piece of something juicy greets me. It's tart and tastes similar to a peach but something about the texture causes me to pause. I realize there are no peaches in the house, but I HAD just purchased a few mangos and they weren't quite ripe. At that stage they would resemble a peach in flavor and texture.

"Mango." I say with a sly smile.

"Good job." He sounds a little surprised.

Does that count as cheating, I wonder as he is moving on to the next one. 

It's soft and mushy. A little sweet, definitely a cooked vegetable of some kind. By the time I've swallowed I have it narrowed it down to cooked carrot or sweet potato. We did have both in the house.

"What do you think?"

"I'm not sure."

"Come on, you know this." He encourages.

I shake my head. "It's carrot or sweet potato..."

"Which one?" He asks. "Go with your gut."

"Sweet potato?"

"Well done my darling."

I sigh in relief.

"Last one. Open up."

I do, and recognize a lean meat. I roll it around in my mouth for a moment trying to place it. It seems familiar.

"Chicken?"

Gordon laughs. "What? Chicken? That's veal!"

"Shit!" I immediately cover my mouth. "Sorry." I add with a chuckle. He pulls the blindfold up and I blink at the sudden light.

Gordon seems pleased. "Uh, four out of six. Not bad! Perhaps you should become a chef."

"Yeah right." I respond with sarcasm. "Several were, let's say, educated guesses based on what ingredients I know are in the house. If we did this in Hell's Kitchen with fine dining ingredients, I doubt I'd get any right."

Gordon taps his chin with his index finger. "Actually, all of these that you tasted have been at some point part of the official blind tasting in Hell's Kitchen. I rarely pull little known ingredients for them to taste. You'd be shocked at some of the answers I've heard over the years."

I raise my brow in surprise. "Really?"

"I once had a contestant taste clams and guess it was spinach!"

"You're pulling my leg." I say in disbelief.

"I wish I were. Have you watched any of Hell's Kitchen?"

I shrug. "Tilly had me watching a few episodes with her several years back. I've never seen a full season." I say apologetically.

Gordon waves it off. "It doesn't bother me that your not a fan. I don't even watch my own shows."

"Really? Why not?"

He pulls several pans down and lights the stove. "Partly because I have limited time to watch tv. But mostly because I don't want to get caught up in dissecting the shows. It's easy to over scrutinize." He takes several portions of fish out of the fridge. "My point is, give yourself some credit. Even your incorrect guesses were close." He looks at the fish in his hand, "Too bad it's already portioned. I could've shown you how to fillet it."

I smile to myself and bite my tongue.

"What?" He notices the look on my face. 

"Who do you think filleted that?"

He raises a brow. "You did?"

I laugh. "I may not know the names of every fish but I know how to filet one. Tana taught me my second week here. I've been doing it for years."

He laughs along with me. "My apologies for underestimating you." Then motioning for me to come closer, "This mystery fish you so beautifully filleted is turbot. It's a flatfish and in the same family as halibut, so your guess was good. Now if I want to fry a fish with the skin left on, how do I cook it?"

"Skin side down." I reply.

"Right. So we've got our pan nice and hot. Let's go ahead and season the fish."

He adds a generous amount of salt and pepper to one of filets and steps aside so I can work with the remaining ones. I carefully copy his movements.

"Good. Now we add our butter to the pan."

"Not olive oil?"

Gordon chuckles. "I can see Tana's influence here. You certainly could use olive oil. Less fattening. But we are going to lightly baste the fish as well and I prefer butter."

He drops in several tablespoons of butter and a few other herbs. "I need to start the sides. Go ahead and cook the fish while I do that."

I hesitate as he turns away to see to the veggies. The butter is melted and bubbling. I carefully score the skin before laying the first fillet down away from me, following closely with the second one. There is just enough space in the pan to add the last fillet.

Gordon glances up from where he is slicing veggies. "How long are you planning to cook the fish?"

"Um, until it's opaque about 2/3 of the way through."

"And how long do you think that will take?"

I know he is testing me but I don't have cooking times memorized. Tana had taught me to cook by sight, smell and taste. I could guess, but decide instead to just be honest. "I don't know, Chef."

He grins as he adds his veggies to a nearby pan. "That's okay. I don't expect you to know everything. And these fillets are rather large. Let's time it. You tell me when you think we should flip them."

I breathe a sigh of relief and nodd.

"Jess," I look up in response. "Don't be so nervous," He adds.

"I'm not nervous," I reply. "I'm completely terrified."

"You've been cooking in my kitchen for a decade! This should be easy."

I give a short laugh. "With all due respect, cooking in your kitchen and cooking WITH you in your kitchen are two totally different things."

"Oh come on! Stop it! We're just making dinner. Nothing to stress about."

"Yes Chef."

"Yeah save the 'Chef' title for Hell's Kitchen. While we're at home, it's still Gordon."

Damn it. Calling him 'Chef' was helping to keep me focused on the cooking.

When I don't immediately respond, he gives me a questioning look. My mouth goes dry and it's was all I can do to respond with a simple, "Okay."

"While we wait on your fish, let me show you what I'm doing."

He talks me through the sautéed vegetable medley he is working on. I listen carefully, trying to soak everything in.

"This needs about 5 mins before it's ready," He says of his side. "How long on the filets?"

I check the fish and answer, "They're getting close. Maybe another minute?

"Good, let's baste." He shows me how to properly ladle the butter and herbs over the fish. "Continue until it's time to flip them."

I nod and take the spoon from him to continue basting.

"They're ready to turn." I announce a minute later, earning a nod from Gordon.

"Yeah looks good. How long have they been cooking?"

I check the time. "About six minutes."

"There you have it. Carefully turn them and cook for another two minutes and we will be ready."

I follow his instructions, carefully timing them so they won't over cook. His sides are finishing up as I pull the fillets from the pan, and he shows me how to plate them to get the best impression.

"There we are. A very simple dish, but we made it elegant and stunning."

"Something smells good!"

Gordon and I both look up as Tilly comes down the stairs ready for her date.

"Wow." Gordon exclaims. "Wow wow wow! You look absolutely beautiful, my dear."

I suck in my breath at the sight of her. She is absolutely gorgeous. True to her style, she wears a simple yellow dress with minimal makeup but she is absolutely shining.

"Thank you Dad," Tilly responds shyly as Gordon kisses her cheek.

"You look great Tilly." I add.

She gives me a warm smile. "Thanks Jess."

"Is Luciano here?" Gordon asks.

"He should be at any moment."

"Where's your mum?"

"She was helping me get ready. She should be right down."

Right on cue, Tana appears from upstairs at the same time the doorbell rings.

"I'll get it!" Gordon and Tilly say in unison as each of them hurries to beat the other to the front door.

Tana and I exchange an amused look as she follows after the two of them, and I begin to set the table for the remaining three of us. Tana and Gordon return as I am bringing the food to the table.

Tana compliments me on the dish as we begin to eat. It is so quiet. Though the silence isn't awkward, I do find it startling. It's such a contrast to the happy noise that has filled the house for so many years.

I smile sadly as I eat the turbot, reminiscing about my first year in the house when the kids were littler and the chaos constant. I had been unsure of myself as a nanny, having been the youngest child in our family and not having much exposure to young children. Despite this, the Ramsay bunch had warmly welcomed me and treated me as if I'd been part of the family all along. Especially Tilly. She was my favorite, though I'd never admit it to anyone. There was something genuine and caring about her that drew you in.

"Are you alright Jess?" Tana lightly touches my hand in concern.

I feel tears gathering as I answer, "Yeah. I'm fine." I clear my throat. "Just thinking about when the kids were little."

Tana pats my hand and smiles, tears shimmering in her own eyes. "I miss it too." She says quietly.

"Ladies, don't start crying on me." Gordon pleads.

"You miss it too Gordon. I know you do."

He nods at my comment. "Yeah I do. Time is gone in a blink, especially when you're not here for so much of it."

"Do you ever regret that?" I ask. "Traveling so much when the kids were small?"

"Yes and no. I made those sacrifices so that my family would be properly cared for. But..." he adds. "I do wish I would've known just how fleeting those years were. I could've made more of an effort to balance things."

"We don't resent you for being gone, Gordon. The kids understand. And when you are home, you always give them your undivided attention."

He smiles at Tana. "I know Luv. Plus, you had a partner in crime to fill in for me." Gordon winks at me.

I laugh. "Yes but we were still outnumbered two to one. Remember the sprinkler incident?"

"How long were we without water?" She asks with a chuckle. 

"Three days! We made the kids bathe in the pool, remember?" Tana and I laugh at the memory.

"Speaking of the kids," Gordon interrupts, "I talked to Megan and Jack and they both plan on being here for dinner tomorrow."

"Wonderful! I'm waiting on a final answer from Holly but she thinks she can make it as well."

"The weather should be nice. We could grill something." Gordon suggests.

I perk up at the turn in conversation. "Well, I bought out the supermarket today so you can take your pick of steaks, burgers, or chicken."

Gordon's blue eyes lock with mine and he smiles. "That sounds like the perfect plan, my darling."

My gaze drops from his and my stomach does a little flip at the attention he is giving me. I immediately remember my earlier encounter with him and I glance up at Tana nervously, still wanting to hide my feelings for Gordon from her out of sheer habit.

But she just smiles and says, "Seems you two are working well together."

Gordon smiles knowingly at me and takes a final bite of his fish. "Indeed we are."


	9. Dessert

Embarrassed at being the center of attention, I quickly finish my meal and rise to begin clearing the table. Without a word, Tana follows after me with the rest of the dirty dishes. We silently work in unison to rinse the dishes and load the dishwasher. Once the final plate is in, Tana adds the soap and starts the wash cycle while I wipe down the counters.

"Thank you Jess."

I look up in surprise at Tana's comment. "Of course Tana. It's my job." I answer, slightly confused.

She gives me an amused smile. "No not for dinner, though it was delicious. I meant for saying yes. To the trip with Gordon."

I bite my lip. "Are you sure you're okay with this Tana?" I ask in almost a whisper.

She searches my eyes. "Yes Jessica. Are YOU okay with this?" She inquires with concern.

I look away and continue wiping. "Maybe a little too much."

"What do you mean?"

I hesitate as I try to organize my thoughts.  
"Tana, this afternoon I spent a little time with Gordon..." I pause and she waits patiently for me to finish my thought. "And I realized something." With a deep breath, "I'm in love with him. I don't just want to be temporary support for a trip. I want more. I want what you have with him."

For the second time that day I think for sure I've overstepped my bounds with Tana. And for the second time that day, I couldn't have been more wrong.

Tana takes my hands in hers. "Oh Jess," she says quietly. "Of course you want more. And whatever I said to make you think that you couldn't have it, I'm sorry."

My eyes widen in surprise. "But, you specifically asked me to be with him for the trip."

"Oh dear, I've made a mess of things," She says almost to herself. "Yes, this time in LA is as good a time as any for the two of you to begin a relationship. It'll give you a chance to get to know one another and discover who you are together without me mucking things up."

"I don't understand. You're making it sound like the trip is secondary. Wasn't that the reason you approached me about being with Gordon?"

Tana cocks her head to the side. "Have you spoken to Gordon about this? About how you really feel?"

"No...I..." I blush. "Um... we got a little distracted before I could."

The corner of her mouth turns up slightly. "Yes, Gordon is quite good at creating distractions, isn't he?"

I nod. "I can barely keep my wits about me when we're in the same room! How on earth am I going to get through the next four months?"

She laughs. "You've got it bad! I know the feeling, Jess."

Just then Gordon walks in. "What are you ladies so secretively discussing in here?"

"You mostly." I answer guiltily.

"Is that so?"

Tana sidles up to Gordon and wraps her arms around his waist. "It seems Jess has already fallen for you."

"Tana!" I exclaim in embarrassment. "You're not supposed to tell on me!"

She grins. "I'm doing you a favor really. I'm sparing you his cheesy attempts to win you over."

"Cheesy? You mean charming." Gordon plants a kiss on Tana's cheek. "And you've spared her nothing. I'll never stop trying to win either of you beautiful ladies over." He adds with a wink, "No matter how cheesy my attempts might be." 

"Oh dear." Tana says sadly. "I did try, now didn't I?"

I chuckle, already feeling more at ease. But it is short lived, as Gordon releases Tana and approaches me. "Now, be sure to get some rest tonight and tomorrow," He says in his commanding chef's voice. "Monday begins a very long week, yeah?"

Easily distracted by his closeness, I somehow manage a nod and a 'yes Chef.' As I'm turning to go, Gordon grabs my arm and pulls me in to his chest. My breath catches in surprise as he holds me against him.

"It's Gordon, remember?"

I nod, completely flustered. "Of course. Gordon."

He grins and kisses my cheek. "Good girl."

Oh god.

Of all the pet names, none affects me so much as that short phrase. He releases me and I gratefully duck my head and turn away, eager to retreat to my room where I can slow my racing heart and regain control of my emotions.

But Gordon isn't ready to let me off so easily. As I hurry past him, he lightly smacks my butt, giving me a wink when I turn back in surprise.

I look to Tana, who must know something of what I'm feeling, because with a grin she steps forward and exclaims, "Gordon! Behave yourself!"

He looks between Tana and I and chuckles. "Two against one eh?"

"Goodness our man is feisty this evening." Tana remarks to me.

Hearing her refer to Gordon as 'ours' sends a shockwave through me. As I lock eyes with Gordon, a familiar ache begins to grow between my legs. I tear my eyes away from him and give Tana a desperate look.

Thankfully, she again understands my silent plea and steps between us, facing Gordon. She lays her hands against Gordon's chest and looks up at him with a gentle smile. "I think you've monopolized enough of Jessica's day today." She pulls his head down and kisses him on the neck. "I, on the other hand, have not spent nearly enough time with my handsome husband."

He pulls her in to his chest in the same way he'd just been holding me. "Indeed you have not." He replies as he nuzzles her neck.

With Gordon adequately distracted I am able to slip away, thankful for Tana's insightfulness.

I quietly make my way out of the house, shivering as I walk the familiar path across the property back to my room in the guest house. Whether the shivering is from the brisk night air or my last encounter with Gordon, I can't be sure. But I take my time, utilizing the opportunity to cool down in more ways than one.

Now back in my room, I lean against the door, close my eyes, and take a deep breath in, trying to will my body to relax.

It's frightening how quickly Gordon can make me lose myself with so little effort. But I can't allow myself the luxury of getting swept up in the moment. I need time to process all that has happened today.

Yet, I silently curse myself for being so damn responsible. What if I hadn't been so quick to run away tonight? Would it have been the worst thing in the world to linger, enjoying his touch? Surely Gordon wouldn't have taken things very far. Not with Tana in the room...would he?

On the other hand, Tana didn't seem shy about the situation. It's clear they are both comfortable with the idea of another woman in the mix.

However, this concept was completely new to me.

Feeling frustrated, I push myself away from the door and begin getting ready for bed. I need a distraction. Perhaps this would be a good time to start studying for Hell's Kitchen.

I search the room for the files, before remembering with a sigh that I'd left them on the kitchen counter after my cooking lesson with Tilly that morning. 

I consider going back over to retrieve them, but quickly rule against it. Bumping into Gordon again tonight would not be wise. My body is still humming from my last encounter with him.

"Shit!" I curse, the events of the day catching up to me.

Sighing, I decide I might as well try to get some sleep since I can't study. But, as exhausted as I am, sleep eludes me.

Every time I close my eyes, all I see is Gordon. That beautiful smile of his. And those blue eyes that are so expressive. I shiver as I recall how they had looked filled with lust earlier today as he pleasured me with his fingers.

I groan and cover my head with the sheets as my whole body resonates with need.

Reluctantly rising from bed, I turn on the lights and check the time. My bedside clock reads eleven twenty. It's bound to be a long night unless I can find a way to calm down.

Frustrated, I yank open the drawer of my nightstand and retrieve my vibrator. I strip out of my pjs, resolved to meet my bodies need one way or another.

As I lay back in bed once again, I am taken at the irony. I actually have Tana's permission to sleep with Gordon, yet here I am alone in my bed, vibrator in hand, trying to satisfy myself the same way I have in years past as if nothing had changed.

The only difference this time are the real memories I have of Gordon to add to my fantasies. I turn my head to the side, reimagining the feel of his kiss on my neck. My hands travel slowly down my body and I pretend they are his hands. His fingers teasing my most private areas.

'Tell me what you want, darling.' He'd said. And even the memory of his deep voice sends a shiver through me.

"I want you to fuck me Gordon." I say aloud, lost in the moment.

Three sharp knocks on my door quickly brings me out of my fantasy. My eyes shoot open and I bolt upright in bed, struggling to cover myself out of reflex.

"Just a minute!" I shout, trying to sound less panicked than I feel. I jump out of bed and frantically grab at my discarded clothes on the floor. After what feels like forever, I succeed in getting dressed and I yank open the door.


	10. An Unexpected Visit

Gordon stands patiently outside, an amused look on his face.

"Forgive me darling, but I thought you might still be up, since your light was on." He casually eyes me from head to toe as he speaks, "Am I...interrupting something?"

I don't need a mirror to know I am likely a disheveled mess, but I'm not ready to divulge any details. Leaning against the door I cross my arms and ask innocently, "What can I do for you Gordon?"

He raises a brow at me, no doubt suspicious that I am evading the question.

Holding up the files for Hell's Kitchen, he answers, "I assumed you would want these."

"Oh! Yes please!" He hands me the files and remains there, lingering on my doorstep.

"Before I go, there's something I need to discuss with you." I still at the serious tone of his voice. He continues, "It's imperative that we be completely honest with each other at all times. I need to know you will speak up if you are uncomfortable with something, yeah?"

I give a shy nod.

"Even if you think I won't like hearing the truth," He adds. "Is that something you can commit to?"

"Of course Gordon," I answer, curious at where he is going with this.

"Good. Then please tell me, did I make you uncomfortable this evening?"

I nod. "A little, yes."

"Which part, luv?"

"It's just... I've never experienced anything like this, Gordon. I mean, two people who are committed to each other being okay with another partner in the mix. I... don't know how this works."

"It works however we want it to work, sweetheart. There's no right or wrong way to go about this."

"Okay." I rub my temple. "I think I just need a little time to process everything. It's been such a long day."

He nods. "Indeed it has. Tana and I sprung quite a lot on you today. You take whatever time you need to feel comfortable. In the meantime, I owe you an apology. When I told you earlier I wouldn't pressure you, I truly meant that. I'm sorry I allowed myself to get carried away and that I made you feel uneasy."

"You don't need to apologize. I should apologize for running away instead of staying like I wanted to."

A smile tugs at the corner of Gordon's lips. "And why did you run, luv?"

"Because of what you do to me Gordon." Feeling suddenly vulnerable, I hold the files against my chest like a shield. "I can barely keep control of myself when you're around."

His smile has morphed into that cheeky grin I'd seen earlier. "Perhaps then, you should relinquish control for a bit. I'm rather good at being in charge."

I shiver as my body reminds me of its yet unmet needs. It's time I wrap this up or I'll end up taking him right here on my front step.

"Goodnight Gordon," I say as politely as possible.

"Kicking me out are you?"

"Well you never came in, so...no."

"I would be happy to come in if you'd like me to. You look as if perhaps you could use a little attention."

My body responds as if he's physically touched me and my voice shakes as I ask, "What happened to not pressuring me?"

He rests his hand on the door frame above me and leans in. "Indeed there is no pressure to say yes, darling. But you should know, I dislike leaving you wanting."

I almost say yes. I WANT to say yes. But a minuscule part of me hesitates. That second of doubt is all it takes for fatigue to completely overtake me. Instead of inviting him in, I step back and level a serious look at him.

"My head Chef ordered me to get plenty of rest tonight so I'd best turn in...alone."

He smirks. "I see I somehow managed to cock block myself."

"It appears you're a man of many talents," I agree with a smile, while slowly closing the door on him. "Goodnight Gordon."

The door clicks shut and I sigh against it.

As I turn away I hear a muffled voice, "Are you sure? I can make it quick."

I turn with a laugh. "While I don't doubt that..." I shout at the closed door. A muffled "oh come on" brings an amused grin to my face before I continue, "I think this is best for now Gordon. Goodnight!"

There is a long pause, then a muffled, "Yes ma'am." I can't help but giggle as I return to bed.


	11. Sunday Morning

I awake with the sunrise, feeling refreshed, the doubts and fatigue that had plagued me the previous evening having fled with the darkness.

I only have one day off to prepare for my adventure as Gordon's sous chef, so I immerse myself in all things Hell's Kitchen. I begin by memorizing the contestants names and the list of core dishes, taking breaks to watch old episodes of the show.

The level of incompetence displayed by several of the previous contestants astound me. Tilly is right, they generally can't cook scallops. I shake my head as another unlucky chef is screamed at by tv Chef Ramsay.

I pause the show and stand, stretching my back as my stomach growls. What time is it? Grabbing a pan, I light the stove in my little kitchen. I'd skipped breakfast, eager to get going on my studies. Now, I am famished.

I frown, surveying the meager contents of my fridge. I'd been so focused on prepping Tana, I'd forgotten to do my own grocery shopping. Sighing, I turn the stove off and grab the last two slices of bread I have. Peanut butter and jelly will have to suffice.

Sandwich in hand, I settle back down in front of the tv. But before I can start the show again, there is a knock at my door.

"Come in!" I shout between bites.

Tilly enters, pausing just inside as she surveys the Hell's Kitchen folders strewn about the room.

With a smile she looks over at me. "Studying?"

I sigh, "Trying to. There's so much! And the more episodes I watch, the more questions I have."

"Like what?" She asks, joining me on the couch.

I put the rest of my sandwich down and grab a notepad from the coffee table.

"Okay for starters," I flip through pages of notes I've taken, "In one episode the chefs have to butcher a half of a cow as punishment. I don't know how to do that! How am I supposed to teach someone else how to do that?"

"I guess you should pray the red team wins on that day."

I scoff, "Come on. I'm serious!"

Tilly laughs. "Jess. You're stressing out about something that may not even happen."

"And if it does?"

"Do you really think my dad is going to leave you high and dry?"

"No but..."

"But what?"

"He might assume I have more skill than I do. I don't see how I'm going to learn all this fast enough."

"I think you need a break," Tilly declares.

"What? No. I'm already short on time..."

"Come on Jess! You're too stressed out. Let's go for a walk. It'll help!"

I sigh. I haven't been outside at all yet today. Maybe she's right.

"Alright," I concede. "Let me change and we can go for a walk. A SHORT one." I emphasize.

Ten minutes later we are strolling along a path on the 2.5 acres of the Ramsay property. I take a deep breath of ocean air and lift my face towards the sunlight. Of the three houses the family owns, this one is my favorite.

I look over at my companion who has been unusually quiet these last few minutes.  
"So....how was your date last night?"

Tilly smiles slightly. "It was...nice."

We continue walking as I wait for her to add something more. She seems content to leave me hanging.

"That's it? Nice? Come on!" I tease.

"I don't know, it was nice. We had a good time."

"Are you going to see him again?"

She looks up at me then with a mischievous glint in her eye. "I invited him to dinner tonight."

I stop walking. "Really? What did your dad say?"

She stops too. "He doesn't know yet."

I laugh. "You love torturing him, don't you?"

She rolls her eyes. "Come on Jess, you know how he can be. So ANNOYING. And embarrassing."

We continue walking. "True. But he's your dad. That's what dads are supposed to be," I say with a giggle.

She playfully pushes me.

"Okay okay." I put my hands up in surrender. "I'll stop defending him."

"Good, cause I need your help."

"With what?"

"I have an idea for a prank on my dad. But it'll take everyone's help to pull it off."

I raise my brow. Pranks on each other in the Ramsay family were numerous and often. I've participated in several, both with and against the kids. But I can tell by the look on Tilly's face that this one would be a doozy.

"What exactly are you planning?"


	12. Party Crashers

The afternoon flies by and before I know it, the rest of the family has arrived and I am needed to help cook, as promised.

Carrying a platter of corn and a bowl of potato salad, I make my way through the backyard, narrowly dodging a stray birdie from the nearby game of badminton.

"Sorry Jess!" Jack shouts as he retrieves the game piece.

Gordon is at the grill, diligently watching over the main courses. I set the platter of corn nearby and wave away his offer of a beer.

"We should be ready to eat in about 20 mins," He instructs.

I acknowledge his statement with a nod. "Can you taste this? I'm trying out a new potato salad recipe."

He takes the offered spoon and tries a small bite. "Not bad. But it needs more seasoning. Salt, pepper."

"Really?" I give him a surprised look. "There's quite a bit in here already."

"Yeah. Trust me darling. I have an amazing palate. I can tell when something's under seasoned," He lectures with annoyance.

"Alright," I reply skeptically, turning back towards the house, "I'll add more."

Tana looks up with a smile as I return to the kitchen. "How'd it go?"

"He told me to add more salt and pepper."

She snickers, "Of course he did." She adds the requested seasoning before thoroughly mixing it. She tastes it and looks up at me with a sparkle in her eye. "What do you think?"

I dip my pinkie finger into the bowl and taste it. "Perfect."

"Everyone knows what to do?"

I nod. "Tilly said she'd talked to everyone except..."

I trail off and we look up in surprise as a car horn begins honking, effectively shattering the tranquility we've been enjoying. The noise grows progressively louder as the culprit appears up the driveway, headed for the house.

The badminton game disbands as the car comes to a stop and Gino hops out of the driver's seat.

"Gordoooon!" He shouts grandiosely. "What a beautiful day for a barbecue, no?"

"Gino! What on earth are you doing? Coming up the drive like that?" Gordon asks with a laugh as he saunters over to the car.

Tana and I emerge from the house as Luciano gets out of the car to join his father.

"Gino!" Tana greets warmly. "It's so wonderful to see you."

"Hello Tana. You are more beautiful every time I see you!" Gino exclaims as he greets her with a kiss on each cheek.

Gordon shakes his head and rubs his face dramatically. "Why are you flying up the drive like that?" He asks again. "You'll piss off the neighbors."

Gino hands a bottle of wine to Tana before answering, "Ah Gordon, you are so uptight!"

"I'm uptight? You're the worst driver, Gino!"

"I'm the worst driver?" Gino repeats incredulously.

"Yes! I'm amazed you can even see over the dash!" Gordon exclaims with a grin.

"Aww here we go. Always the short jokes. But see, you are a worse driver than me."

"The last time you came up on me like that in a car, you ran over my foot!"

"I didn't run over your foot," Gino begins.

"Oh no?" Gordon interjects, "In San Francisco you don't remember..."

"No no. You are remembering it wrong. You were in the street, I told you to get out of the way..."

"I was in the street because you got the bus stuck on the bloody median," Gordon counters.

"What do you want from me?" Gino gestures wildly, "I don't honk, you're upset. I honk, you're upset."

"Oh come on." Gordon laughs.

"Daaaad," Tilly pleads. "Stop it. Be nice."

"What? I AM being nice!"

She rolls her eyes, and with a sigh, grabs Luciano's hand, tugging him away. "Come on, let's go hang out over here."

The wrinkles deepen on Gordon's forehead as he watches them go. "Come on Tilly. Tilly!" He shouts after them.

Gino slaps Gordon on the back. "Aww, leave her alone Gordo. The more you push, the more she will resist," he says as he helps himself to a beer.

"Remind me again, how many teenage daughters do you have, Gino?"

"Oh, so I don't know anything about raising kids now?"

"It's not the same. I've been through the wringer twice already with Holly and Meg. Teenage girls are so much more difficult than boys."

"Perhaps. But you've got to admit, we've raised a couple of great kids," Gino says sincerely.

Gordon raises his beer bottle. "Yeah, I'll drink to that."

After the toast, they stand in companionable silence before Gino adds, "But when they get married, you're paying for the wedding."

Gordon rubs his eyes and laughs, "Oh, fuck off Gino."

"Where are we at on the meat, Gordon?" Gino claps his hands together, "I'm ready to help cook."

"You can help by staying away from my grill!"

"Oh come on," Gino whines. "I'll bet I can make a better burger than you can."

"Gino, how many times do I need to whoop your ass in cooking challenges?" Gordon groans.

Tana grins at me before addressing the men, "I think a little competition would be fun! I haven't had Gino's cooking in quite a while." She pauses and looks directly at Gordon, "unless you're worried you might lose."

A fire lights in Gordon's eyes and his lips curl up in a smile as he replies, "Lose? To Gino? In a burger challenge? Oh darling, you're off your rocker."

"There's only one way to find out." I tease.

"No, he's right," Gino says to me. "I wouldn't want to embarrass him in front of the family."

"Bloody hell. Alright, everyone wants a cook off? Let's have a cook off. Best burger wins." Gordon announces.

The men hurry to the bbq, playfully bickering along the way. Mindful of the time, Tana and I leave the men outside and return to the kitchen to finish our sides. We watch the family mingle while we contentedly work, something Tana and I have done frequently together over the years.

"You are an absolute genius, Tana," I say in admiration. "We can use their competition to our advantage."

She smiles broadly as she hurriedly finishes the fruit salad. "My thoughts exactly. This will fit in nicely with what we've planned." Eying the men at the grill, she adds, "Those two. Best friends and they fight like brothers. Can you imagine if they really ended up as in-laws too?"

The corner of my mouth turns up in a grin as I think about it. "Can you imagine Gino crashing EVERY holiday? Every important family event?"

Tana chuckles. "Gordon would complain, but I think deep down he'd love it." She washes her hands and dries them on a towel before continuing, "Has Tilly said anything to you about how things are going? With Luciano?"

I shrug. "Not really. She's been uncharacteristically quiet so far."

Tana falls silent for a bit then asks, "You don't think there's really a chance that Tilly and Luci end up together do you?"

I nervously clear my throat. "I don't know. Stranger things have happened, right?"

"True." She says with resignation. "Oh! Looks like it's almost time to eat," she adds, excitement in her voice. "They're pulling the meat off the grill."

"Already??" I look at the mess around me on the counter. "I don't think I can finish the cupcakes in time. We might have to go with plan B."

"Just do what you can. I'll go gather and update everyone." Tana instructs calmly.

"You really think he's going to fall for this?"

Pausing at the door, Tana turns with a cunning smile, "Absolutely."


	13. Gordon vs Gino

The weather is perfect so we elect to eat outside on the patio. Gordon takes his place at the head of the table, pausing to pull out a chair for Tana as she settles in the seat to his right.

I deliver the last of the sides to the group and start towards my usual seat next to Tilly at the other end of the table, when Gordon catches me by the elbow and gently turns me back. Without a word, he gestures to the unoccupied chair on his left, pulling it out for me to sit in as he had done for Tana.

I self-consciously glance around at the family, afraid that they might notice the preference Gordon is showing me. But the seating arrangement seems to be the last thing on anyone's mind as their felicitous chatter rises and falls like waves lapping against a shore.

I take the offered seat and give Gordon an anxious smile.

He leans in and speaks softly, "Relax, my darling. I think Tilly might like to sit next to Luciano." He gives a nod in their direction and I see that indeed, Tilly has reserved the seat next to her for her beau.

I give him a quizzical look. "And you're OKAY with that?" I ask quietly.

"Only because it affords me a chance to be close to you," He replies with a wink.

My god, this man is charming. He couldn't have uttered that in a more genuine, matter-of-fact way, as if I should be used to hearing such sweet remarks from his lips.

Fighting against an overwhelming urge to kiss him, I instead reach under the table and rest my hand on his leg. His eyes slowly lift to mine, registering surprise. I hold his gaze as I affectionately run my thumb back and forth across his knee.

He reaches under the table and interlaces his fingers with mine. For a few heartbeats, it is as if no one else is present, as the surprise on his face is replaced with a look of certainty and promise.

A mere moment later, he releases my hand and stands, drawing everyone's attention.

"Gino and I have a little bet to settle before everyone eats. We have two stunning burgers, one made by each of us." He steps aside as Gino delivers a plate to the table with the burgers. "Now, despite being beaten over and over and over again," Gordon says with a grin, "Gino insists his burger is better than mine."

"I know it is." Gino counters. "Do you want to know why?"

Gordon takes the bait, "Why Gino?"

"Because I'm not afraid to try new things. I learn. I don't do the same tired old thing every time, like you do."

Gordon rubs the bridge of his nose. "What?" He asks with genuine confusion. "Gino, you always do the same thing- an Italian themed burger. And it never works."

Gino holds up a finger and declares, "Not this time, Gordo."

"Alright, then what did you make for us today?"

"Hold on, who's judging this?"

Gordon looks around in exasperation." What do you mean...who do you think is judging, Gino?" Gesturing to the table, "our family will judge."

"Ahh, don't you mean your family? That's hardly fair."

"Jesus Christ, Gino," Gordon laughs. "Are you already making excuses for why you'll lose?"

Gino puts his hands up in a shrug. "I just think they may be biased."

Gino is right in his observation. We are biased, just not in the way he suspects.

"How about this?" Tana offers, "Jack and Luciano can judge, that way each family is equally represented."

"What if there's a tie, mom?" Jack asks.

She smiles at me. "Then Jess will break it."

Tana's ability to think on her feet continuously amazes me. If anything, Gordon will assume I'm impartial towards him and Gino would have no reason to suspect I wouldn't be fair. Yet, by agreeing to her terms, they would both be playing right into our hands.

"What do you think Gordon?" Gino asks with raised brows.

"I think my lovely wife has the perfect solution. And I know that in the event of a tie," he focuses ardently on me, "Jessica will be an honest and capable tiebreaker."

I feel the intensity of his look all the way down to my toes. Embracing the challenge before me, I decide to see if I can push it a little further.

"Alright. So what does the winner get?" I ask curiously.

"Bragging rights." Gordon answers swiftly.

"And the loser?"

Tilly swoops in with her own suggestion before either man can answer. "Loser should have to jump in the pool!"

Nice touch Tilly, I think in satisfaction as murmurs of agreement echo around the group.

Gordon just chuckles and slaps Gino on the back. "What do you say, mate? Do we have a bet?"

Gino grabs Gordon's hand and shakes it vigorously. "Deal! Let's get this going. I'm starving!"

"Go ahead Gino," Gordon says with a twinkle in his eye, "Ladies first."

Ignoring Gordon's teasing, Gino launches into a description of his burger. "Okay, I made for you a blue cheese burger with delicious sautéed mushrooms."

Jack and Luci step forward, each cutting a section from the burger before tasting it.

"This is really good, Gino." Jack compliments.

Luciano nods in agreement, his mouth too full to speak.

"Wait till you try mine," Gordon says as he cuts his burger into bite size pieces. "I have a classic, rustic American burger with crispy bacon, buttered lettuce, and the most amazing spicy mayonnaise."

The boys sample Gordon's burger in turn.

"How delicious is that?" Gordon bounces on his toes, excitedly awaiting a verdict.

Luciano seems impressed, "Its excellent. I really like it," he says of Gordon's burger.

Jack is less enthusiastic. "It's good, dad." He gives a shrug, "Kind of a little bland though."

"Oh, come on! Jack, there's no way that's under seasoned." Gordon laments.

"What's your vote?" Gino asks, confidence in his tone.

Jack responds immediately, "I have to go with yours, Gino."

"Jack, no!" Gordon laughs, "My own son!"

"Ah ha! I told you I would win!" Gino chortles.

"Not so fast, dad," Luciano ventures with a grin. "My vote is for Gordon's."

"Luci," Gino pleads, "you don't have to kiss up to Gordon just because you're dating his daughter. Trust me," he gestures to himself, "I disappoint him all the time. It's not that bad!"

I giggle at their joking, not at all surprised at Luci's decision. As far as I know, neither he nor Gino are aware we are planning on toying with Gordon. And Gordon's burger looks downright mouthwatering.

"It's a tie Gino, just accept it!" Gordon motions for me to come forward, "Alright Jess, it's up to you."

All I have to do now, is taste both burgers and declare Gino the winner. Reaching for the blue cheese burger, I inwardly cringe. Why does it have to be blue cheese and mushrooms? Both ingredients are in my top five least favorite foods!

I take the smallest bite I can without being suspicious, careful to hide my dislike of the combo.

"What do you think?" Gino cautiously inquires.

"Actually," I state with raised brows, "it's very good." And it is, surprisingly, much better than I had anticipated. I move on to Gordon's burger, his concept much more to my liking.

The handsome Scottish-born chef watches me closely with a confident grin as I sample his burger. The smile lines around his eyes crinkle up as he ask, "What do you think, sweetheart?"

Dammit, these pet names will be my undoing. It takes everything I have to appear neutral, and I have to tear my eyes away from Gordon to refocus on the task at hand.

His burger is delicious. In my mind it is clearly the winner, but that isn't our plan.

"It's good. But," I steal a glance at him as I continue, "Jack was right. A little bland."

Gordon drops his arms to his sides and throws his head back dramatically. "Has everyone gone mad?" Gesturing to the burger, he pleads playfully with me, "Come on Jess! It's perfect!"

"Sorry, but I think Gino bested you this time," I say as seriously as I can manage.

"Yes! I told you!" Gino gloats.

Tilly grabs her dad's arm and gleefully tugs him in the direction of the pool, while Holly and Meg push him from behind. "Come on, Dad! You lost and a bet's a bet!"

He graciously allows himself to be led across the yard, as a few of us tease him along the way. Just as they arrive at the edge of the pool, Gordon lifts Tilly into a fireman's carry.

"Dad! Don't you dare," Tilly warns as Gordon turns back to us with a devilish grin. Stepping from the edge, he plunges them both into the chilly water.

Tilly comes up first, hurling threats in her dads direction before he even breaks the surface. "Oh my gosh, Dad! I can't believe you did that! I'm going to get you back!"

"Gino!" Gordon hollers as he wipes water from his face, "Come help me out of this pool, will you?"

"Oh no, I'm not falling for that!"

At Gino's refusal, Gordon splashes water in his direction, but Gino is too far away to be a reasonable target.

"Alright, everyone out of the pool," Tana orders. "It's time to eat."

The father-daughter duo obey, gladly accepting the offered towels that Jack has procured. Tilly dries off just enough to avoid being reprimanded for tracking water through the house before fleeing up to her room to change.

Gordon looks to Tana, "Would you mind fetching me a pair of shorts and a dry shirt?" He removes his soaked sneakers and socks, setting them aside in the sunlight to dry.

I find myself terribly distracted as he continues to undress, removing his shirt and revealing the firm muscles underneath. Wow, he looks good for a man in his- how old is he- late forties?

I frown as I contemplate the age gap between us for the first time. I am only twenty nine, meaning there are at least fifteen years between us. Possibly even twenty.

Sensing my perusal, Gordon looks over in my direction. His eyes meet mine and a tender smile breaks out on his face as he towel dries his hair, leaving it a tousled mess.

I smile back at him, admiring how the stray droplets of water on his skin reflect the sunlight, making him seem even more handsome than usual.

Tana returns with the requested clothing and I reluctantly turn away as Gordon finishes changing. If I'm not careful, the entire family will notice my infatuation. For years I have kept my true feelings hidden from them. I can certainly do it for a little longer.

The bet settled, we gather at the patio table for a second time and quickly begin passing dishes around, eager to eat.

Now, the real fun is about to start...


	14. Our Prank

Gordon digs into the potato salad he had earlier sampled. "Jessica, this is delicious. The seasoning is spot on."

Here we go, I think in satisfaction, happy that he's commented on my dish without needing prompting. I let out a sigh, as if I am greatly relieved. "I'm so glad. I forgot to taste it again after I added more salt."

"That's a rookie mistake, but you lucked out this time. Here," Gordon offers me a bite from his own fork, "try some now."

I hesitantly lean forward, allowing Gordon to feed me the potato salad. Narrowing my eyes as I chew, I do my best to act as if something isn't quite right.

"I wouldn't go so far as to say I nailed the seasoning Gordon." I choke out, reaching for my water. "Maybe your initial bite was okay, but mine is almost inedible."

Gordon looks down at the plate in bewilderment. "What's wrong with it?"

I pretend I need to drink my entire glass of water to avoid answering his question.

"Here, let me try some." Tana follows suit with a bite of her own before giving her husband a strange look. "Are you okay, dear?"

"What do you mean?"

She lowers her voice so only we can hear. "The potato salad, it's incredibly salty."

"First the burger, and now this..." I trail off with a worried look in Gordon's direction.

"Oh come on." Exasperated, he looks between Tana and me. "I think you two are toying with me." He raises his voice, "Hey Jack!"

Jack looks up from the discussion he'd been in with Luciano. "Yeah, dad?"

"Do me a favor and try the potato salad."

"Okay, sure," he replies with a shrug, snagging a spoon. It barely makes it into his mouth before he spits it back out onto a napkin. "Oh, very funny dad. Extra salty potatoes." Grabbing for his glass of iced tea, Jack downs half the glass in one gulp. "Not your best prank though."

Gordon looks genuinely lost for a split second before he recovers. "I'm not buying it." To make his point, he takes a large fork full of potato salad and eats it slowly. "Mmm. Delicious."

It's clear he won't be easily fooled. Luckily, we have a few more tricks up our sleeve.

Tana remains in character, appearing to be gravely concerned. "Gordon, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, quite," he replies stoically.

As Gordon picks up his ear of corn, I steal a glance at Meg, who gives me a wink. I quickly go back to my own food as if nothing is about to happen.

"Bloody Hell!" Gordon exclaims, dropping the ear of corn dramatically onto his plate. "Seriously? It's sugar!"

Everyone falls silent at his outburst. "Dad, what's going on?" Holly asks with concern.

"No no, don't give me that. If there's one thing I trust, it's my palate." He looks around the table. "One of you, or perhaps all of you, have tampered with my food."

We exchange disbelieving glances with one another.

"You would never fall for that Dad," Meghan offers.

"Yeah," Jack adds seriously, "we've talked about doing something like that, but we could never figure out how to make it believable."

The Michelin starred chef sits back in his chair and studies us with a calculating smile. "So, I'm supposed to believe that I suddenly can't tell the difference between salty and sweet?"

"Perhaps you are catching a cold, Gordon," Gino suggests.

"Bullshit."

"No, no, hear me out." Gino puts his hands up as if he is trying to calm a wild animal. "Sometimes, when I get sick, I can get congested and it can mess with my sense of taste and smell."

"Yeah, I feel fine though, Gino. I'm not sick."

"But maybe you are, and you don't realize it,"  
Gino challenges.

Gordon buries his face in his hands. "Bloody hell," he groans. "I feel as if I'm back on kitchen nightmares," he warily studies the plate in front of him, "wondering if my food is safe to eat."

Gordon looks around the table, settling on me. He points impatiently to my plate. "Jessica, trade me your corn please."

I hand him the plate even as I protest, "But I've already eaten some off the cob."

"Yes, and I assume you don't cover your corn in sugar when you eat it."

I shake my head with wide eyes as he confidently takes a bite from my ear of corn, only to spit it back out onto the plate. His eyes flick to mine and I recognize uncertainty in his usually confident features.

He wipes his mouth and stares at the two plates in front of him in silence. We wait with bated breath for his response. Have we fooled him?

After a long pause, he speaks. "Fucking hell," he says soberly, and no one scolds him for the coarse language. "I suppose I need to see a doctor."

I can't take it any longer. Laughter bubbles out of me before I can stop it. Once I start laughing, it seems no one else can keep a straight face either and we collectively dissolved into hysterics.

As soon as he sees our response, he knows he's been had. Gordon joins our laughter while wearily rubbing his face. "Oh wow. It was all a joke, yeah?"

Meg wipes tears from her eyes and puts her arm around her sister. "Tilly was the mastermind behind the idea," she says proudly.

"I couldn't have pulled it off without everyone's help," Tilly replies modestly. "Especially from Mom and Jess."

"That was seriously impressive," Gino says with a nod to Tilly. "You even had me fooled!"

"Wait," Gordon holds up his hand. "Gino, you weren't part of this?" Gordon asks in disbelief.

He puts his hands up as if in surrender. "I swear, I had no idea about any of this."

Tana speaks up in his defense. "It's true. We didn't have time to get Gino up to speed on our plan."

"How did you know I would ask to taste Jessica's corn?"

"We didn't," Jack answers with a smile. "That's why we all have sugared corn, except Gino."

"And of course the potato salad is perfect." Holly adds.

Tana continues on that thought, "We only needed you to believe you'd overcompensated when you instructed us to add more salt." She holds up her hand to me and I give her a high five across the table.

Gordon turns to me. "So, our burger cook off? Did you really like Gino's better?"

"I'm so sorry," I look to Gino, "but I did like Gordon's burger better." I admit apologetically.

"No! Come on!" Gino protests at my confession.

I hastily add, "It really was good. I wasn't lying about that. But I, well, I don't really like blue cheese. Or mushrooms. I'm sorry Gino, but that combo was bound to lose with me."

"This is unbelievable!" Gino throws his hands into the air.

"I think that means," Gordon muses with a sly smile, "That the loser still needs to jump in the pool."

"Oh no! Don't you dare!" Comes the warning from Gino.

But Gordon is already up from his seat and with a laugh says, "Come on old man. It's time for a swim!"

Gino throws his napkin on the table dramatically. "First of all, you are WAY older than me," He states calmly. "And second, can't you see I'm trying to enjoy a lovely meal here?"

I giggle as Gordon roughly pulls Gino's chair away from the table. "Don't make me carry you across the yard..."

"Ha! Like you could lift me."

"Jack! Luciano! Can I get a little help?"

Both boys eagerly jump up, grabbing one side of Gino's chair while Gordon lifts the other.

"Okay, okay! I'll go. Put me down!" Gino shouts, but they ignore his pleas and swiftly transport him across the lawn as the women in the family look on in amusement.

Tana turns back around in her chair to face me, as I hear a huge splash and subsequent cheering from the guys. Picking up her fork, Tana spears a stray piece of fruit on her plate and sighs. "I swear, they are never gonna grow up." She says with a weary smile.

Tilly, Megan and Holly slip away from the table unnoticed and covertly cross the yard, sneaking up behind the three boys who are standing near the pool.

They manage to push Jack and Luciano in, but Gordon sees them coming and ducks out of the way. A short chase ensues, as one by one Gordon captures each kid, tossing them into the increasingly full swimming pool. Even Tilly ends up wet a second time.

I watch the whole scene with a full heart. Being in the middle of their joyful chaos is the greatest feeling in the world. In this moment, I feel so lighthearted, so thankful to be part of this family, I think I might burst.

"I wouldn't change any of this, Tana."

Her eyes meet mine and she smiles. "Nor I." She replies sincerely.


	15. Family Ties

As evening falls, we huddle around the fire pit, fellowshipping together and watching the sky change from light blue, to gold, then to purple as the sun fades below the horizon. Gino strums lightly on a guitar, creating a pleasant melody that floats in the background of our conversations.

My mind wanders as I watch the flames dance in the fire pit, the occasional popping and crackling of the fire reminding me of childhood camping trips.

In those days, sitting around a fire was the only part of the experience I would look forward to. Somehow, the warmth and the closeness of family and friends congregating together around the flames made the bug bites, long car rides and freezing nights tolerable.

Gordon's laugh abruptly brings me out of my reverie and I muse on how the sound of his voice can so easily get my attention.

"So when are you leaving?" Gino inquires of Gordon.

"Our flight departs around six tomorrow morning."

"Our flight?" He asks curiously.

"Jessica will be accompanying me as one of my sous chefs."

"Really?" Gino's voice is marked with surprise. Turning to me he adds, "I didn't know you were a chef."

"I'm not," I reply bashfully.

Megan perks up a little at the conversation. "You're taking Jess?"

"I am," Gordon answers matter-of-factly.

Megan's lips press into a thin line and she glances at me. "Hmm. Seems like an odd choice."

Gordon raises a brow. "Is there a problem, Megan?" There is a challenge in the way he says it, as if daring her to object.

She meets his look with her own unwavering stare. The tension between them is palpable, and the other conversations slowly die off until there is silence, as everyone senses the change in atmosphere.

Finally with a smirk, she looks away. "No problem. I'm sure you have a logical reason for choosing the maid to act as your sous chef in front of a national audience."

Gordon narrows his eyes in anger but Tana speaks first. "Megan Ramsay! You will show some respect! Jessica is far more than just 'the maid', and you know it."

Tana's rebuke only serves to reinforce Megan's attitude and she stands suddenly in a huff. "I have to go. It's late."

This isn't the first time Meg has stormed out in anger but I'm confused as to why she is so upset. Knowing I've somehow caused this rift, I decide to try to deescalate the situation.

"Tana, it's okay." I speak hastily, "Meg, you're right. I'm not the obvious choice. I thought it was a ridiculous idea too, at first. Tilly can attest to that." I gesture to Tilly, who nods.

Meg glares at me. "And yet, you're still going."

My anger rises at her attitude. What exactly is she getting at? "Is there a reason I shouldn't?" I ask as calmly as I can.

She glances around at her siblings and our guests, suddenly uncomfortable. Had she forgotten they were here?

She recovers quickly, forming a smile and saying, "Of course not," Continuing innocently, "I was only surprised, given your lack of kitchen experience." With a glance at her mom, she adds, "I'm sorry if I insulted you. That wasn't my intention."

She says all the right words, but I know she doesn't mean any of them. Still, for the sake of the family watching, I smile as well and reply, "Don't worry about it. I can't say I reacted any better at first myself. We're cool."

Jack rises from his place near the fire and stretches, breaking the tension. "I need to get going. I have an early class tomorrow."

Slowly, the rest of the group begins to disperse, citing various reasons for leaving. I rise as well, and notice Megan making an obvious beeline for me. Pulling me aside, she lowers her voice. "I don't know what you said or did to convince my dad to take you along, but do the right thing and back out of it." She says vehemently.

"What is your problem?" I whisper, as my anger simmers just beneath the surface. "Meg, your dad approached me. And I turned him down at first."

"Good. Then he won't be shocked when you change your mind."

I feel ambushed and can't understand the reason for it. "I'm not backing out," I assert defiantly. "He needs me."

She gives me a pitying look. "Does he need you or do you need him?" Her words are like a slap in the face and leave me speechless. How dare she talk to me like this?

Her look softens at my silence. "Look Jess, I know I sound like a bitch, but I've been to a lot of events with my dad. The paparazzi are everywhere. Every outfit, every movement, every glance is dissected publicly. Everything you say and do will be under the microscope."

"I know," I respond defensively. "I've traveled in public with the family before."

She shakes her head. "You don't understand. This is different. It's not just the paparazzi. There will be producers, camera crews- you'll be wearing mics for god's sake!" She glances around to make sure no one is eavesdropping before leaning in closely. "I see how you look at my dad."

My heart stops at her statement. She looks me in the eye and continues softly, "Now, I don't know what's going on, but if the media gets even the hint of a possible affair, his reputation could be ruined."

She makes an excellent point, but that realization only pisses me off more. "Meg, I'm not having an affair with your dad."

She sighs. "You don't get it, Jess."

"Yeah I do," I interject, giving vent to my anger. I struggle to keep my volume low as I continue, "And while I know you mean well, you should know I would never conduct myself in an unprofessional manner. Especially with your dad's reputation at stake." I state firmly.

She considers me for a few seconds, then pulls me in for a hug as if we are best friends saying goodbye. "Fine, but know this," she whispers in my ear. "If you do anything to hurt this family, I'll destroy you."

I bristle at the threat. But before I can respond, she pulls away and takes a step back. "Have a great trip, Jess!" Her tone is cordial but her eyes are cold.

I notice Gordon watching our interaction from across the fire and I smile back at her. "Thanks Meg, I will."

As she departs, Gordon makes his way over to me. "Everything okay?"

"I'm not sure," I respond as I watch her walk back towards the house with her siblings.

I know Megan to be a strong, fiercely protective person. But never has there been a reason for us to be in opposition. It feels strange to be seen as an enemy by someone I've helped to raise.

Gordon steps in front of me, blocking my view and breaking my train of thought. "Are you packed for the trip, my love?"

His casual question triggers my pervasive worry that someone might have heard him address me so intimately, though nearly everyone is already gone. Even so, my fears aren't unfounded. If Megan suspects something might be going on, it's possible she isn't alone. I will need to be far more careful.

"Jessica." Gordon tips my chin so that I am looking up into his eyes. "Are you packed, darling?" He repeats slowly.

I blush at the tender way he is looking at me. "Not yet."

"Very well, go get ready. But do not go to sleep tonight. It'll be better if you sleep on the plane."

"I'm not sure I can stay up all night." The mere mention of sleep causes me to suppress the urge to yawn.

"I'll help you stay awake." He winks. "Once you're packed and ready, meet me in the kitchen." He glances at his watch, "Give me about an hour first, though."

A renewed energy takes hold of me at the thought of spending time with Gordon tonight, despite Megan's warning. "You got it!" I reply eagerly.


	16. Burning the Midnight Oil, Part 1/3

An hour later, I stand in the kitchen as instructed. My suitcases are packed and resting near the front door, and I've showered and changed.

My earlier excitement is gone and I pace, waiting apprehensively for Gordon while I replay the days events over and over in my mind. Is Megan right? Am I jeopardizing Gordon's career by entering into a relationship with him while under the scrutiny of the paparazzi? Surely I can manage to keep it together when the cameras are around.

And yet, somehow I've already been obvious enough that both Tana and Megan have noticed my affection for Gordon. Have I given myself away only today or, like Tana, has Meg known for a long time?

A throbbing begins in my temple as I worry over the possible ramifications of a romantic relationship with Gordon Ramsay.

Even if we survive the next four months without being discovered, what will happen upon our return home?

This situation is so new, I've not even considered how it will affect the rest of the family. What will we tell the kids? Would we tell the kids?

Being in a relationship with him while on the road is one thing, but maintaining it afterward once back at home is seeming more impossible the longer I think about it.

I hear Gordon's voice as he appears from around the corner. "Alright, my darling, are you ready to get started?" His smile quickly disappears. "What's wrong, sweetheart? You look ill."

"I feel ill," I utter weakly.

He pulls out a chair and guides me to it. I bury my face into my hands and he soothingly rubs my back as if I were a sick child.

"Talk to me Jessica. Was it what Meg said to you?"

"Nothing that I shouldn't already have realized myself." I mumble with self pity into my palms.

"You promised to be honest and open with me." He reminds me.

There's a hint of reproach in his voice and I force myself to look up and address him, "She is concerned that I will jeopardize your reputation." Closing my eyes, I massage my temples, trying in vain to keep a migraine at bay. "She told me she's noticed I'm attracted to you, and that it is only a matter of time before the paparazzi notice as well."

"I see." He moves his hands to my shoulders and begins massaging away the knots forming there. "Do you think she's right?"

"Probably," I admit with a sigh.

His thumb locates a larger knot and he presses into it, moving in a circular motion to break it down. "How would you like to proceed?"

"What do you mean?" I lean in to his touch, feeling my headache dissipate slightly.

"Knowing the possible cost, and that you'll be monitored constantly in one form or another, do you still want this?"

I quietly consider my options as Gordon continues the shoulder massage. Though the thought of being under constant surveillance makes me feel queasy, it doesn't exactly come as a surprise. After all, I have agreed to be on a TV show. What else should I expect?

I sheepishly look up at him. "Yeah, I still want to go. And I still want to be with you. Does that make me a terrible person?"

In response, Gordon releases my shoulders, pulls out a second chair and sits down across from me. "No, it doesn't. Why on earth do you think that?"

"Because there's so much at stake. Not only your reputation, but Tana and the kids would be hurt too if rumors of an affair started flying. It's selfish of me to be willing to risk that."

"Listen to me, Jess." There's a steadiness to his tone that is reassuring. "As long as you're with me, there will always be the challenge of navigating the media. You already deal with it because you're associated with me, but I can promise you, it will get worse."

He leans forward and rests his palms on my knees. "You're not a terrible person for wanting to be with me despite that. Tana and I are well aware of the risks involved, but that's not going to stop us from living our life, and it shouldn't for you either." His hands travel from my knees up to my thighs and he gives me a light squeeze before adding, "And I'll be damned if I let the fucking paparazzi," he smirks, "or one of my children, decide whom I love."

The possessiveness in his eyes and the intensity of his tone surprise me and my heart begins to beat faster as he scoots himself close enough that his leg is brushing mine.

He continues, "In the meantime, there's no sense in borrowing trouble, yeah? We can take things slow and keep it to ourselves until we decide how we want to move forward. And if, somehow, word gets out about us before then, the three of us will face it together. God knows it wouldn't be the first media shit storm thrown at me."

My anxiety decreases at his confidence. "You make it sound so easy."

One side of his mouth turns up ever so slightly. "It's simple, my dear, but not easy."

"You know, my dad used to tell me something similar growing up."

"Is that so?"

I nod. "He told me that often the right thing to do is simple, but few people do it because it's not easy."

There's a warmth in his eyes as he responds, "Very true. Sounds like a wise man."

"He is." The tension has seeped out of me as we've talked and I yawn, suddenly exhausted.

Gordon lightly smacks my thigh, startling me. "None of that, now. We have hours yet before you can sleep." He stands and pulls me up with him. "Let's see how much you've learned about Hell's Kitchen. What's the first challenge our chef's will face upon arrival?"

The sudden change in topics throws me off balance and I struggle to switch gears. "Uh, the... the signature dish?"

"Right. Do you know why we start with that?"

"I would guess it's a good way to get to know each of them."

"Exactly. In fact, so much is revealed through this one challenge, I could probably tell you with reasonable accuracy who my black jacket chefs will be."

"Really? How?"

"There are a lot of things to look for. If you watch closely, you'll see a difference in what types of ingredients they choose and how they handle those ingredients. Their posture, how they cut; give me sixty seconds and I'll tell you how far they're gonna go."

"Wow."

"So, if I asked you to make me your signature dish right now, what would it be?"

My signature dish? I think about it for a long moment before finally admitting, "I'm not sure if I'd call it my signature dish, but it was my favorite growing up. I can't make it for you now, though."

"Why not?"

"We don't have the ingredients I'd need."

"Now you've got me intrigued. What's the dish?"

I smile as I reply, "Grilled elk back strap, parmesan garlic potatoes and buttered asparagus."

He cocks his head to the side. "Elk? How interesting. What is it that you love about the dish?"

"It was the celebratory meal we would make if we were lucky enough to bag an elk on a hunt. I've only had it a few times over the years but it's still my absolute favorite meal I've ever eaten."

Gordon drops his arms to his side dramatically and pretends to pout. "What? Better than my cooking? Come on!"

I snicker at the look on his face. "No offense, but yeah. I think it's nostalgia more than anything."

"Yeah, I understand that," he agrees with a grin. "I'll still take my mum's cooking over fancy takeaway any day." He rubs his hands together and continues, "Okay, since I don't have fresh elk on hand, what's another dish you'd like to make?"

I chew my lip as I run through my favorite meals in my mind. What could I make that is a reflection of me? "I don't know if I have a signature dish. I didn't really start cooking until I lived here. Everything I know how to make is a recipe from Tana," I blush as I raise my eyes to meet his, "or you."

"What about the things you ate growing up? There must be something that strikes your fancy."

I shake my head. "Growing up, we really didn't have much, so we made do with canned food and had to get creative with leftovers..." I trail off as an idea strikes me and a wide grin spreads across my face.

Pushing past Gordon to the fridge, I quickly take stock of the contents inside. I know exactly what to make, if only I can remember how.


	17. *Burning the Midnight Oil, Part 2/3*

I begin filling the counter with leftovers from the fridge; ground beef, half an onion, corn on the cob from tonight's dinner; anything I can find, really. Looking at what I have laid out in front of me, I pause to think. I need the right starch to help me tie it together.

"Wow, I can tell the wheels are turning now!" Gordon exclaims with enthusiasm. "I love the passion. What are you planning to make?" He asks as he curiously looks over my choice of ingredients.

I add several Yukon gold potatoes to the pile. "Uh," Such a simple question shouldn't catch me so off guard. But I honestly don't know how to answer. The affectionate nickname we'd given the dish as kids isn't exactly of restaurant caliber. "It's... it's a surprise." I stall, hoping I can find a better name for it before it's finished. I silently give thanks I'm not a contestant on the show having to present it formally in front of the judges. They'd probably laugh me offstage.

"Okay, a surprise. I suppose I can be patient."

"That would be a first." Perhaps it's due to the lighthearted nature of the day, or maybe it's because I'm feeling more comfortable around Gordon; either way, the tease slips from my lips without thought.

Gordon reacts in a flash, capturing my waist and spinning me around to face him. He holds me firmly in place and hungrily eyes me up and down. "When you say things like that, I feel I need to prove to you just how patient I'm being."

*Now serving a portion of smut below*

He presses himself against me, leaving me wedged between the counter and his warm body. I gasp as I feel tangible evidence of his arousal despite the clothing between us.

"If I had my way," he nearly growls, "we would save the cooking for LA, and I would use this time to do to you all the things I've been dying to do..." he rolls his hips, eliciting another gasp from my lips. "...starting with this."

Entangling one hand in my hair at the back of my head, he roughly pulls me closer until his lips meet mine.

This isn't the sweet kiss we'd shared before. He is as a starving man and I'm the sumptuous meal he's been craving. He voraciously devours me, only pulling back long enough for me to take a gasping breath. I'm allowed barely enough time to gulp air before he again takes my mouth in his.

Some people describe that first moment of chemistry as a spark or a flame. Well, for me he's setting off fucking C4, obliterating every wall I've ever erected within myself. I've never experienced anything that felt remotely close to this before.

His other hand moves from my waist to my breast and he squeezes it through my shirt. In response, I thrust my body further into his muscular frame, cursing the invention of clothing.

I want him.

Badly.

More than I've ever wanted anyone or anything before.

I don't care where we are or even who finds out. All I want is to be made completely and wholly HIS.

It's in this same moment that Gordon suddenly releases me. He walks back around the kitchen island so that it's positioned between our overheated bodies.

In the wake of his retreat, only one thought breaks through the lust fogging my mind. What happened?

I see him steady himself with one hand firmly planted on the counter. He closes his eyes and takes several deep breaths, in and out. If he was worked up before, that was nothing compared to the agony he's got us both in now.

Gordon addresses me with a tortured look, "I almost couldn't stop." He seems disconcerted after saying it.

"Then why did you?" I ask breathily.

His eyes harden and he shakes his head. "I promised you I wouldn't get carried away. I'm a man of my word. But," he holds up a finger, "I needed you to understand what you do to me. How you affect me, Jessica."

"I was only joking about being patient, Gordon." I reply meekly. My heart is still racing and I long for him to pick up where he left off.

"Perhaps now, you won't tease me so mercilessly. The way you feel right now, that's what you do to me on a fairly regular basis."

A regular basis? "Really?"

"Did you think I only took notice of you this week?" He asks incredulously. "Open your eyes, darling!" He says with a short laugh.

His declaration would seem far fetched had I not just borne witness to his highly aroused state. "I'm sorry, Gordon. I honestly didn't know."

His expression softens at my apology and somehow he seems even more attractive than before.

I really do feel bad about teasing him, and I want nothing more than to find a way to show him how sorry I am. In my lust driven state, there's one obvious solution that comes to mind.

I push myself from the counter and slowly walk around the island towards him. "I'd be happy to make it up to you."

He cocks an eyebrow but makes no move, either towards or away from me as I draw near. "What do you have in mind?"

I'd asked him the same question a mere two days ago. My god, had it only been two days? It felt like a lifetime of events had occurred in the past forty-eight hours. With a grin, I echo the answer he'd once given to me, "I'd like you to cum for me."

He crosses his arms, as one hand moves to his lips, partially hiding the smile that results from my bold words. "My, oh my. I do have you all worked up now, don't I?" He notes with amusement.

I nod.

He rubs his knuckles back and forth on his chin as he silently regards me. It looks to me as if he's struggling to decide what to do. I'm unable to wait any longer for an answer and I reach out and run my palm against the hard indent still pressing against the fabric of his pants.

Gordon sucks in his breath at my touch. I'm feeling rather pleased with myself until he gently takes hold of my wrist and moves me away.

Did I do something wrong? I look to him for an explanation and am greeted by an impish expression on his handsome face. "As much fun as that sounds, I have something else in mind."

He's still holding my wrist and he uses that leverage to turn me around with my arm pinned behind my back. He pushes me forward, towards my pile of abandoned ingredients on the kitchen counter.

"You see, you've been rather naughty today, between the pranks and the teasing. Since I have you all riled up, it's only fair that I give you a dose of your own medicine." He releases me in the exact same spot I'd begun in. "Now, I believe you were preparing to make me a mystery dish?"

My jaw drops. "You expect me to cook? Right now?" I ask in disbelief.

He shrugs with an artful smile, "I understand it might be difficult to focus, so take your time." I groan out loud and he adds, "Consider this punishment for your part in the prank today."

I try once more to sway him. "I thought you didn't like leaving me wanting."

"I don't," he replies curtly. There's desire in his eyes as he continues, "but I also don't want you to regret a decision you made in the heat of the moment."

"I won't," I begin in protest, but Gordon cuts me off.

"Jessica." I fall silent at the serious look on his face. "You already know how I feel about our situation. If you truly want more, I can assure you, I won't make you wait very long for it. But right now, I'd like you to continue on your dish."

I can tell by his tone he isn't joking or teasing. If I don't listen to him now, it will only make him angry. I take a deep breath in and attempt to calm down.

"Yes Chef," I respond soberly. Somehow I'm going to have to get my mind off of Gordon and back on the food.

I light the stove and pull down a large skillet. While the pan heats, I mince a clove of garlic and thinly slice the onion, taking special care to pay attention to what I'm doing while I have a knife in my hands.

Gordon absentmindedly crosses his arms as he watches me work. "Tell me more about your hunting elk." he requests, as I add the hamburger to the piping hot pan.

Even the sound of his voice is doing things to me right now and I wonder what what he sounds like in the throws of passion.

Ugh, Jessica, get a grip! I shake my head back and forth as I try to clear away that unbidden thought. I need to focus!

"There's not much to tell," I finally respond as I begin to brown the meat. "My dad would take my brother and me hunting as a way to spend time together." I add the garlic and a generous sprinkle of salt and pepper to the pan. Next I begin thinly slicing the potatoes. "I never really got into it, though looking back, I realize it was more for my brother's benefit than mine."

Gordon taps his index finger against his lips and asks, "What do you mean?"

I slide the sliced onion into the pan before answering. "I was young when my mom died, but my brother was a teenager. He was never the same after."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Gordon remarks solemnly.

"Thanks, but it's okay." I stir the meat and add the potatoes, covering the pan with a lid and lowering the temperature to allow it to simmer. "It was a long time ago. After she passed, my dad worked two jobs to raise us so he was gone a lot. My brother got into a rough crowd, made some bad choices. That's when the hunting trips began."

"I see. Did it work?"

"No." My answer comes out far more bitter than I intend and it's all I can do to hold my tongue and keep from expounding. Gordon remains silent as I stand the ear of corn on its end and carefully begin shaving the kernels off.

"It sounds like your dad did the best he could." Gordon ventures gently.

I pause mid-slice. "I'm not upset with my dad." I take a deep breath and carefully continue working on the corn. "My brother is responsible for his own actions, regardless of what he may think."

"I understand. I have a brother in a similar situation."

Some of my frustration evaporates at his simple statement. Gordon's family experience growing up was far worse than my own. Not only had his younger brother gotten into drugs, but his father was an alcoholic and often abused their mother.

"That's true. You know better than most." I respond soberly, wishing our conversation hadn't taken this dark turn.

Gordon seems to be on a similar wavelength and his next question is much easier for me to answer. "Tell me more about your dad. Where is he now?"

"He is still in the states, currently in Oregon. I've offered to fly him out here numerous times but he refuses."

"Oh? Is he avoiding us?" Gordon jokes.

"No, he's just stubborn. He can't afford to fly out himself and he won't let me pay." I lift the lid from my creation on the stove and carefully turn the contents so the potatoes are now on the bottom before replacing the cover. "On second thought, maybe he IS avoiding you," I add with a grin. "He's always been a huge fan of yours. You know what they say, don't meet your heroes."

Gordon waves me off. "Stop it," he says modestly.

I retrieve a block of cheddar cheese and some chives from the fridge. "No, really. My dad is the reason I took this job." I grate a generous amount of the cheese and set it aside. "I'll actually never forget that conversation," I chuckle as I dice the chives. "When I mentioned to him over the phone that I had a job offer to work for the Ramsay family, there was such a long pause on his end, I thought he'd hung up on me."

I light another burner and reach for a second pan. "He asked me if I meant Gordon Ramsay. Of course, I'd never met you. Tana had offered me the job and I didn't know who any of you were back then so I didn't know what to tell him."

I drop several tablespoons of butter into the empty pan. "Next thing I know, I get an email from my dad with a picture of you and Tana from some public event, asking if this is the family. Of course that picture came with a link to an article about your newest show in the states, kitchen nightmares."

Gordon rubs his face and laughs softly. "Oh dear," he says with a grin.

My mouth turns up at his response and I nod as I work, "I can see you've figured out what happened next." I quickly mince another clove of garlic and add it to the now bubbling butter. "My own research revealed a lot of screaming, swearing, and throwing." I point my knife in his direction and add, "Great first impression, by the way."

He bites his lip, looking adorably guilty as he takes a seat at the kitchen island near me. I pause my narrative and add cumin, cilantro, chili powder and lime zest to the pan, stirring quickly as I go. Once it's mixed well enough, I add the corn.

Gordon reaches for a spoon and steals a bite of my corn concoction before I can stop him. I can't tell if he likes it or not and after a moment of silence, my curiosity gets the best of me. "What do you think?"

He grins. "You first. Finish your story and then I'll tell you."

"Alright." I taste it as well and add salt, pepper and more butter before resuming my tale. "So, a few days later I tell my dad I'm planning on turning down the job. He asks why, and I tell him in no uncertain terms that life is too short to work for an ass like you."

Gordon wears a wry smile as he asks, "What did he say?"

"He asked me if working for you specifically was the only reason I didn't want the job. I told him yes, that it was otherwise an incredibly generous offer and that I thought I had really connected with Tana and the children."

I laugh at the memory. "Then he says, and I quote, 'If you're so afraid of being called a fucking idiot, maybe you should stop being one!' To this day, it's the only time in my life I've heard my dad swear!"

Gordon laughs heartily with me and I pause to pull the pan of corn off the heat. I also double check the potatoes, turning them for a final time while layering cheese on top. I replace the lid and lean against the counter to finish my story.

"I was shocked, to say the least. He went on to tell me that you were exactly the kind of boss he had hoped I would one day have. Someone who cares about the success of his people and those in his industry, who's not afraid to say what needs to be said, even if it seems mean." I give a short laugh. "I argued with him. But in the end I knew he was right. The best teachers and coaches I'd ever had were the ones that weren't afraid to push me to achieve a higher standard."

I remove the last pan from the heat and reach for two plates. "The rest is history."

I begin plating my dish, trying to keep it as neat as possible considering it's a casserole consistency. I return to the fridge for sour cream, adding a small dollop once the chives are sprinkled over the top of the meat and potatoes. Last but not least, I carefully spoon the corn mixture over part of the casserole so that it spills down one side. It's not the prettiest thing I've ever made, but it'll have to do.

Gordon quietly watches each movement I make. I take one last look, wishing I could somehow present it better, before setting one of the plates in front of him.

He turns the plate, viewing it from several angles before addressing me, "Alright, luv. What have you made for me tonight?"


	18. *Burning the Midnight Oil, Part 3/3

I blush, wondering if I'll ever get used to hearing him call me that. "I suppose the best way to describe it would be as a cheeseburger casserole served with spicy Mexican corn."

He eyes it, then me. "You suppose?"

I shift my weight from one foot to the other as I decide how to explain. "Well, uh, when we were growing up we had a different name for it."

"And that was?" He prompts.

I giggle as I confess, "We called it stuff in a pan."

He covers his face with his hands, kneading his brow. "Come on, seriously?"

"It's true. My dad would throw whatever he could find and into a skillet and try to make a meal out of it for us. Since it depended on whatever food we hand on hand, it was never made the same way twice. My brother and I were picky eaters and we would want to know exactly what was in it. My dad got sick of the constant questions and one day dubbed it 'stuff in a pan'. The name stuck." I grin as I add, "If we wanted variety, we would make 'stuff in a pot'."

Gordon smiles and begins tasting the dish. I think I'm more nervous now than the first time we cooked together, as I await his verdict. His face is expressionless as he tries both components on the plate. It feels like I'm waiting forever for a reaction, but in reality it's only a few seconds.

Finally his eyes meet mine. "It's good." The corner of his mouth tugs up in a smile as he continues, "For the limited ingredients you used, it's actually quite flavorful. I was worried it might be greasy since you didn't drain the fat from the meat, but it's not."

"The potatoes usually absorb most of it. I'm sure you could drain the meat and then use beef stock or something in it's place, but I wanted to keep it as authentic as possible to what I grew up with. Back then we made do with what we had."

Gordon takes a second bite of the corn. "Tell me about this. Was this a common side dish growing up as well?"

"Actually, no. I wanted to incorporate the leftover corn we had from tonight's BBQ and it sounded good."

He nods. "It is good. It's very rich, which makes it a bit of a strange pairing. The casserole," he pauses, "or stuff in a pan," he corrects with a wink, "is a hearty dish with the potatoes and cheese giving it a heaviness. When you add the corn that's essentially fried in butter, that's when you start getting that greasy feeling. I might've gone with a fresh corn salsa, instead. Something with some acidity and lightness to lift the dish and balance it out a little. However, the flavor is excellent. Both dishes are solid in their own right."

Now that he's tasted it, I feel silly choosing such a simple idea as my signature dish. "I know I probably should've done something a little more refined," I lament with mild regret.

Gordon is surprised at my response and quickly interjects. "Not at all. Something doesn't have to be fancy to be delicious. I've quite enjoyed it. And how else would I have heard that amusing story from your childhood?" He stands and returns to my side. "It certainly is you on a plate. Rustic, clever..." There's humor dancing in his eyes as he looks down at me and emphasizes the next word. "...delectable."

I laugh nervously at the compliment. "Even I know the dish isn't THAT good, Gordon."

"I don't joke when it comes to food. However, it is late. Perhaps I'm confusing the attributes of the dish with those of the woman who made it. I'll have to taste both again to be sure."

I think he's joking until he reaches around me and garners another bite from his plate. He quickly swallows it and says, "Now to compare." He leans in as if he's going to kiss me again but at the last second he goes lower and connects with my neck, pressing soft kisses against my hammering pulse. I feel him suck at my neck and it tickles, causing me to instinctively push him away with a giggle.

"You're such a cheeseball!" I exclaim playfully. "I just got calmed down, now you're going to work me up again."

"Would that be the worst thing in the world?" He asks with mischief.

I'm thinking a lot more clearly now than I was several hours ago and I self consciously rub the area of my neck he'd just suckled. "Maybe. At the very least, it might not be a good idea to leave a visible mark where someone, like your daughter, might notice. How would I explain that?"

"Fuck, you're right," He admits quietly. "I suppose I'll have to focus my attention on areas that aren't so visible."

Color tinges my cheeks as my imagination runs amuck with the possibilities of what he might be wanting to do. But surprisingly, he doesn't make a move towards me. He stays planted, watching me.

I'm really starting to hate it when he does this.

I know he promised not to pressure me but every time he puts the ball into my court it only amplifies my internal struggle. Even now, I'm both consumed with desire and also distracted by a myriad of worries and excuses popping up in my mind like weeds in a garden, threatening to choke out the intimacy growing between us.

What will happen if I cave in to my impulses and someone walks in on us? We aren't exactly hidden away, in fact there are floor to ceiling windows on one side of the kitchen. The neighbors can probably see us right now!

And besides, I really should clean up the kitchen so that Tana doesn't wake up to a huge mess. And how much time do we really have before we need to leave for the airport anyway?

Gordon clears his throat, startling me back to the present. "Where'd you go just now?" He asks.

"Um, I... I guess I'm over thinking things again."

"Yes, I've noticed you struggle with that lately. I am curious, what is it that holds you back Jess?" He asks casually.

"I'm not the type of person to jump into something without weighing the cost. Especially when it affects those I love." I chew at my lip as I continue, "You, Tana and the children are like family to me and I will protect this family by any means necessary." Gordon looks as if he's going to interject so I hurriedly add, "That being said, I don't think there's a force in existence that could keep me from wanting to be with you."

His eyes light up at my simple statement and it gives me the confidence to continue, "It scares me to admit to myself just how much I lo... care for you." I barely stop myself from saying the L word, though it's how I really feel. "You affect me in such a powerful way, Gordon. And that's why I hesitate. I want to be smart about this."

I lay my palms against his chest and look up at him through my lashes. "I want nothing more than to be able to throw all caution to the wind and lose myself in loving you but," I smile comically, "maybe not when your wife and daughter are within earshot."

He smugly grins down at me. "Afraid you can't keep quiet?"

"And what if I can't?" I ask candidly. "Would this be the ideal time and place to discover such a thing, Mr. Smarty-pants?"

Gordon abruptly pulls me against his sturdy frame. "I think you underestimate yourself. You've proven to be quite adept at controlling your impulses. Otherwise, I would've become aware of your true feelings long ago."

He affectionately nuzzles my neck before continuing, "I do love that you are protective of my family. And there will be plenty of moments over the next few months where we won't be able to openly show affection for one another." His hands travel down to the small of my back. "But this isn't one of them."

I know he's right, and I lean my forehead into his chest, relishing his embrace. His fingers press into my lower back as he says, "While we don't have much time before we need to clean up, I'd hate to let this moment go to waste."

"I'm up for whatever you have in mind, Gordon."

"Is that so?" He inquires roughly.

I nod, my forehead still pressed against his chest. He pulls back and when I look up, I see his eyes ablaze with need. "Are you certain?" He asks with a serious look.

I nod a second time. "I trust you, Gordon. Tell me what you'd like," I lower the tone of my voice in an effort to emulate his own, "And I'll happily oblige." I can't help but giggle after that last part as I once again echo what he'd recently said to me.

*I think you know what happens next! If you don't, just keep reading, but maybe not out loud. ;)*

I notice the corners of his eyes turn up slightly at my poor impression and he rotates his wrist, checking the time on his watch. With an almost imperceptible nod, he tugs a nearby kitchen towel off its rung and drops it on the floor between us, before issuing the command, "On your knees, Darling."

I've always suspected he might be as dominate in lovemaking as he is in the kitchen, but experiencing it firsthand is surreal. His voice carries the practiced authority from years of running brigades and yet his tone is gentle. I know that he's giving me the chance to choose whether or not to obey and for the first time this evening I don't hesitate, as deep down I treasure the opportunity to be under his command.

My mouth goes dry and I slowly move back so that I have enough room to obey his order. I kneel on the towel he dropped, thankful he had the forethought to put something down to help me tolerate the hard surface. Once I'm situated in front of him, I look up and wait for his next set of instructions.

"Listen carefully, sweetheart. You mentioned earlier you wanted to make me cum." He takes a second look at his watch. "You have nine minutes to do just that."

My eyes widen and my jaw drops a little. Nine minutes? If this were any of my previous relationships, I could easily accomplish that. Hell, some of the men I've dated couldn't last nine minutes if they wanted to. But Gordon isn't the typical man and I have no idea what he likes. Plus, if I had to rate myself on giving blow jobs, I'd say I was maybe average at best. Now I'm on my knees in front of one of the most disciplined men I know. Can I make him lose control so quickly?

"Well?" He asks with a cocked eyebrow.

My competitiveness kicks in and I rapidly snap out of it, meeting his gaze with confidence. "Challenge accepted."

"You're down to eight and a half minutes," He says with a sly smile. "What are you waiting for?"

I'm eye level with his waist and I can already tell he's hard again as my fingers fumble with his zipper. I greedily pull his pants and boxer briefs down together, releasing his impressive cock. I've always imagined him to be big, but even my fantasies haven't prepared me for the reality of his massive dick perched inches from my lips. He's so large that any preconceptions I have about trying to deep throat him go out the window.

Pressing my hands into his thighs, I lean forward and run my tongue along the underside of his thick shaft. I feel it twitch as I reach the tip and the man above me releases a small contented sigh.

I smile as I take him into my mouth, paying special attention to any reaction Gordon has so I can quickly discover his preferences. While I swirl my tongue around his head, I wrap one hand around the base of his cock and begin gently pumping.

He leans back against the counter and entwines his right hand in my hair, cupping the back of my head as I work. I look up at him and his eyes connect with mine as I push myself deeper, doing my best to swallow as much of him as I can.

I only make it about halfway before my gag reflex kicks in and I have to pull back. He doesn't seem to mind though, his baby blues clouded with lust as he whispers, "Fuck me, you're so fucking beautiful like this."

His comment gives me an idea and I release him so I can take off my shirt. I toss it aside and again work my tongue along his length, beginning at the base, moving over the tip and back down the other side. Once he's slick from my attention, I sit up as straight as I can while still kneeling and begin sliding the underside of his dick along my cleavage.

"Oh, bloody hell," he mumbles with a tight smile. He closes his eyes and leans his head back as I reach under and gently massage his balls.

I have no concept of how much time has passed and I no longer care. It's incredibly satisfying being the source of his pleasure and I'm wishing we didn't have a plane to catch so soon.

The sight of his rock hard cock sliding back and forth between my breasts has inadvertently worked me up too and I fight the urge to reach between my legs to provide myself some relief. I will need both hands to properly take care of Gordon.

I take one final look at the man above me, pleased to see him enjoying my ministrations. His eyes are closed tightly and his lips are slightly parted, an occasional groan escaping when I move just right.

Tucking my chin against my chest, I'm able to wrap my lips around the head of his cock while keeping the rest of his length sliding between my breasts. I continue massaging his balls with one hand, while gripping his thigh with the other as I pull him closer. He begins thrusting his hips and I relax my mouth as best I can, allowing his dick to move a little deeper with each thrust.

I know he's close and I prepare myself to accommodate his release as I feel him tense up. His left hand is gripping the counter and his right hand tightens in my hair, holding me firmly in place as he shoots his warm cum deep into my throat. I barely keep from gagging as I manage to swallow it all.

Gordon sags back with a dreamy smile. Then looking down, he cups my face in his rough palms and gently strokes my cheeks with his thumbs. "That was wonderful, my love."

My heart soars at the compliment. Gordon helps me to stand and immediately wraps me tightly in an embrace. "Oh, my sweet girl." He mumbles into my hair.

I am content in his arms except for one nagging question. "Gordon?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

I grin as I ask humorously, "Has it been nine minutes?"


	19. Arrival in LA

I wake bleary eyed upon our arrival in Los Angeles. Despite having been up for over twenty four hours the previous day, I had struggled to fall asleep once we were on the plane. Gordon spent the first part of the fight encouraging me to rest but I was too excited and nervous to settle down. I couldn't believe this was really happening! I was traveling with Gordon Ramsay to LA as his sous chef! Eventually fatigue overtook me and at some point I was lulled to sleep by the white noise of the jet engines and the musky smell of Gordon's cologne as he dozed next to me.

Now as I watch the cityscape zip past the car window, I yawn, wishing I'd heeded Gordon's advice. In England it would be nearly eight at night, but here in LA it isn't yet noon, and my body is struggling to adjust.

Gordon, on the other hand, is as bright eyed and bushy tailed as ever. He sits next to me, tapping his fingers against his knee as he attends to some minute detail related to Hell's Kitchen. How he manages to operate so effectively on so little sleep has always been a great mystery to me.

He pockets his phone and says, "I hope you're hungry, Jess."

At the mention of food, my stomach rumbles loudly. "I am."

He rubs his hands together excitedly. "Good. We're on our way to visit a friend of mine at his restaurant."

I start to ask where we're going but think better of it. He has so many "friends" in the culinary world that I've never heard of, it's anyone's guess as to where he's taking me, and I don't want to offend him by not recognizing some famous name that I probably ought to know. Instead, I give him a bright smile, knowing that wherever he's chosen, it's bound to be delicious.

Several minutes later, our car makes a turn onto Wilshire boulevard and slows to a stop in front of a large, historic looking building. Intricate stonework adorns the front of the structure and I crane my neck to better admire it from my limited vantagepoint. A doorman hops down the steps to greet us, pulling open my door almost before we are fully stopped. I exit the vehicle, completely taken by the charming and vintage feel of this place. Gordon appears beside me and places his hand under my elbow, gently guiding me forward.

We enter the lobby through double glass doors and my breath catches at the sight of a huge crystal chandelier hanging in the center of the room. Shaped like a three layer cake, the shimmering crystals cascade down each layer, resembling a frozen waterfall. The flow draws my eyes to the marble platform below it, laden with an array of summer flowers. This room seems vaguely familiar to me but I can't place it.

"Where are we?" I ask quietly, as Gordon guides me along.

"This is the Beverly Wilshire, a very famous hotel. Some of the people that have stayed here over the years include Elvis Presley and John Lennon. It's also been used to film portions of the movie "Pretty Woman", and more recently, "Entourage." Gordon rattles off the history with little effort, as if he'd anticipated having to answer my question.

Turning the corner, we enter a sleek dining room. Though empty of guests, the modern space is primed and ready, with stone grey and black table settings contrasting beautifully with the bright natural wood tables and fixtures in the room. The area is further brightened by natural light streaming in through the floor to ceiling windows on my right. On my left, there is a short divider separating the dining room and the exposed kitchen, assuring guests the opportunity to watch as their food is being prepared.

It's to the left and into the kitchen that Gordon takes me. There are multiple people working in various stations and each of them look up as Gordon passes by, reacting with a smile or a simple nod before refocusing on their job. One chef in particular seems to be expecting us and as soon as we are spotted, she stops her prep, wipes her hands on her apron, and extends a warm greeting to us. "Hello Gordon. It's good to see you."

"Hello Darling," Gordon responds as we reach her work station. He leans in and gives her a peck on each cheek. "Hilary, this is Jessica." He pulls me forward and I shake her hand. "Jessica, this is Hilary Henderson. She is the Chef de Cuisine here at CUT."

My eyes widen as I realize I'm standing in Wolfgang Puck's flagship restaurant. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Hilary." I try to say as normally as possible.

"Likewise," She replies with a smile.

Gordon turns to me. "Jessica, I'm afraid I need to abandon you for a brief moment to finish a little business. Hilary has agreed to show you around until I return."

I feel awkward being left in a foreign environment with someone I've only just met, but I want to prove to Gordon that I can be flexible. "Sounds good," I lie. As soon as he leaves, I say to Hilary, "Please don't let me interrupt your work. I don't want to be in the way."

"You're not. I planned for this." She says simply.

"Oh, well good."

Hilary smiles in amusement. "You seem uncomfortable. Everything okay?"

"Yes, but I, well, I'm a little out of my depth here," I admit. "I've never been in a professional kitchen before."

She gives me an understanding look. "Here, let me show you around."

My anxiety lessens at her easygoing manner and I follow her as she takes me through the kitchen, teaching me about each area as she goes. I soak in the information, mesmerized at how smoothly the kitchen is functioning. The chefs are focused on their individual tasks but also mindful of each other, often anticipating the movements of a nearby peer, as if it were all choreographed.

"They work so well together."

With a smirk she replies, "Not always. Everyone's on their best behavior with Gordon Ramsay visiting." She nudges a nearby chef. "Isn't that right, Jose'?"

I see the briefest hint of a smile touch his lips before he looks up and answers with a straight face, "I don't know what you mean Chef. Your kitchen is always run with the highest of standards."

"Damn right it is." She affirms proudly. "But that's not to say things are always perfect, are they Jose'?"

He winces as he responds, "No Chef."

"Mmhm." She agrees knowingly. "You see," Hilary says to me, "everyone makes mistakes. Even the best chefs can be boneheads from time to time."

Jose' resumes his work as he adds, "Yes, but when you work with someone as talented and nurturing as Chef Hilary," his eyebrows pull together in concentration as he expertly slices the salmon before him. "you learn how to bounce back."

Hilary gives him a lopsided grin. "Resorting to blatant flattery? That's desperate, even for you Jose'."

"Is it working?" This time there's no missing his smile.

"Not a chance." Hilary eyes the fish he's cutting up. "But those fillets are looking good. Much better than yesterday. Keep it up."

"Heard, Chef."

We move on as I'm processing that last interaction. "Can I ask you something? It's clear your staff respects you, but you seem so, uh... nice."

She chuckles. "Well, if you're comparing me to Gordon, I'm sure it looks that way. I can be tough when it's needed. We are a Michelin starred restaurant, after all."

Our tour has ended and we are back where we started at her workstation. Hilary washes her hands in a nearby sink as she adds thoughtfully, "One thing I learned early on is, in this industry you will FOREVER be a part of a team. To be successful, you have to learn to embody compassion for others. Learn to acknowledge your weaknesses and accept others' as well. This is what makes a team powerful, knowing that we aren't all good at the same things. As head chef, my job is to help others shine, teach, and build a culture of support." She dries her hands and looks sternly at me. "But let me be clear. I don't coddle my people. If I correct you, it's for your benefit and I expect you to listen."

I feel as if I'm one of her charges and before I realize it, I'm uttering a quick, "Heard, Chef," which draws a fit of laughter from my host.

"What's the joke?" There's no mistaking that voice, and I spin on my heel as Wolfgang Puck enters the kitchen, followed closely by Gordon.

"Good afternoon Chefs!" Hilary offers as we both step forward. "Chef, this is Jessica. I've just finished showing her around the kitchen."

Wolfgang Puck grips my hand warmly. "And what did you think?"

I take another look at my surroundings before answering, "It's amazing. Everything is immaculate and your chefs are so efficient."

"As any good kitchen should be," Gordon interjects from over Chef Puck's shoulder.

Wolfgang dismissively waves him off. "Yes, yes, but I was asking the lady."

Gordon rolls his eyes and I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing. Then, realizing he's acquired my attention, Gordon winks at me and I fight down my bodies immediate urge to blush, as I once again address Wolfgang. "Thank you for allowing me to intrude. Chef Hilary is amazing."

"Ah, yes indeed. She is the best."

Hilary stands a little straighter as she acknowledges the compliment with a humble, "Thank you, Chef."

Wolfgang nods and motions for us to follow him as he briskly turns back towards the dining room. "Come, come, you must be starving after your flight."

Gordon pauses and extends his hand in invitation. "After you, Darling."

Wolfgang is already ten meters ahead of us, and I feel a pang of guilt as I'm forced to hurry after him without saying goodbye to Hilary.

We are led to a booth near the kitchen and I slide in first, followed by Gordon, who scoots right up against me. I assume it's to make room for Chef Puck to join us but he remains standing as he says, "Arturo will be your server this afternoon." A young man appears next to Wolfgang Puck with a small basket of bread and a bottle of wine. "Please enjoy your meal and don't hesitate to ask if you need anything at all. You know where to find me," he finishes with a grin.

"Thank you. This is perfect." Gordon assures our host. Wolfgang departs, leaving our waiter to his task of filling our water and wine glasses. "I hope you don't mind, but I already placed our order," Gordon says quietly to me.

"Not at all. I'm famished."

"Good. Don't fill up on bread. There are some fantastic dishes on the way."

"Are you going to tell me what's coming, or is everything going to be a surprise today?"

Gordon grips my thigh under the table and I startle. He laughs softly. "I do enjoy surprising you, my sweet, but our lunch is no great secret. We are starting out with the most amazing bone marrow flan."

"Bone marrow?" Suddenly I'm not so ravenous.

Seeing the look on my face, Gordon pats my leg reassuringly. "Trust me."

The flan arrives moments later and I'm surprised at how gorgeous it looks. It's baked and served upright in the bone, drizzled with a red wine bordelaise and topped with a parsley and caper salad. Even the fresh mushroom marmalade garnishing each side of the plate looks too good to pass up. I cautiously reach for one of the spoons protruding from the flan, desperately hoping it tastes as good as Gordon let on.

I'm left speechless after the first taste. It's smooth and creamy and the flavors are unlike anything I've ever had before. Only it's size is disappointing and I finish my portion after but a few exquisite bites. I don't have long to grumble about it as the next several dishes arrive in quick succession. We are served a myriad of steaks; Japanese wagyu, USDA prime sirloin, a succulent ribeye, and of course, a filet.

I'm beaming as I enjoy the embodiment of the perfect lunch. Beautiful day, exemplary food, and I get to share it all with the handsome blonde next to me who can't seem to stop rubbing his leg against mine while we eat. Not that I'm complaining. Even though the dining room is empty except for us, I find it touching that he is making an attempt at showing affection for me while we are in a public place. I only wish I could find a way to reciprocate without being obvious.

"What did you think of your time in the kitchen?" Gordon asks casually.

"It was overwhelming, but also exhilarating. Hilary is a wealth of knowledge and didn't seem put off when I told her I was unfamiliar with how a professional kitchen is run. By the end of it, I was wishing I could jump in and help out!"

Gordon seems pleased at my answer but only acknowledges it with a simple nod.

"I feel like I could learn so much from Hilary. It's too bad we only had a short time together." I sit back in the booth with a sigh, feeling completely stuffed after such a hearty meal. Gordon is finishing up as well as our waiter arrives to clear the table.

"Do you have room for chocolate soufflé?" Gordon asks with a twinkle in his eye.

"Heck no!" I answer quickly. "Do you?"

"I'm quite full, but I know better than to deny any woman a chance at chocolate," he says with a grin.

I giggle. "I see we've taught you well."

Before he responds, Wolfgang Puck and Chef Hilary arrive unannounced at our table. I sit up in my seat, delighted to have the chance to properly thank her after the wonderful meal we were just served.

"How was your lunch?" Wolfgang asks in his thickly accented voice.

Gordon looks to me for an answer and I eagerly reply, "It was phenomenal. Everything was perfection."

A smile spreads across Chef Puck's face. "Excellent."

"Hilary, I didn't get to say thank you earlier. For a novice like me, the information you provided was invaluable, and I will utilize it in my upcoming role on Hell's Kitchen." I pause and then add, "By the way, what on earth do you do to that bone marrow to make it taste so good? I'll be thinking about that dish for the rest of the week!"

The look on Hilary's face is downright mischievous and I see her glance first at her boss and then at Gordon before responding to me, "Why don't you put this on and come find out?" Out from behind her back comes a folded white chef's jacket, which she hands across the table to me. My name is embroidered on the left breast of the jacket, the black CUT logo visible on the right sleeve.

I pale as I gingerly receive the coat, completely confused. "What?"

"I knew you would benefit from some real time working in a professional kitchen so I've arraigned for you to spend the rest of the week here with Chef Henderson," Gordon explains with a wry smile. He slides a hotel key card towards me. "You have a room here for the week as well."

I don't know whether to be grateful or irritated that he sprung such a huge and crazy endeavor on me with no preparation. As I struggle to find the right response, my newly appointed boss catches my eye and says, "Better get ready. Your shift starts in twenty."

// Author's Note: For those of you following along with this story, first of all THANK YOU! Your comments and votes keep me going! Secondly, I'll be posting new chapters only on Mondays beginning 3/29/21. I'll do my best not to miss a week, though it might occasionally happen. Hope you enjoy! ❤️ //


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